this is fyf

This was FYF.

A chronicle of gay life in New York for a couple of odd years has come to a close.  We're keeping the site alive (for now) and there is content to be seen in browsing the categories. The calendar is inactive and the map is terribly outdated.  Otherwise you can peruse the categories, be they fairly obvious (Recipes) or a bit of surprise (Not Now, Thanks).  

If you need Duane or Rod, there is contact information at the bottom of the page.  Thanks for coming by.  

• "White" is the new black
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Will suicide in gay men increase as the population ages or will something new emerge?

[T]he suicide seemed to have been carried out with methodical precision. On an island in the kitchen, Mr. Bergeron had meticulously laid out his papers. There was a pile of folders with detailed instructions on top about whom to call regarding his finances and his mortgage. Across from that he placed the title page of his book, on which he also wrote his suicide note. In it he told Mr. Sackheim and Mr. Rappaport that he loved them and his family, but that he was “done.”

The Times covers the life of a 49-year old therapist in Chelsea who committed suicide around New Year's after writing “The Right Side of Forty: The Complete Guide to Happiness for Gay Men at Midlife and Beyond.”  In his suicide note he called the book "a lie based on bad information".

The gay population of a generation was decimated by AIDS.  As part of the first of part of a new generation for whom HIV was tamed (a bit), there are growing numbers of gay men in their forties.  In the past gay suicide by men over forty was something that happened in percentages above the norm.

The newer generation does have advantages over the past ones though.  There is burgeoning equality and more opportunities to create lives that exist outside of just the gay/sexual segments of one's life.  

In the past it was older gay men who were patrons of the arts.  They were an outsized segment of the arts audience, and art was influenced by that.  As we grow older, what will the new older gay generation become?  We'll be looking at that more in the days and months to come.

Happy Anniversary to us! (Has it really been only/just two years?)

I (Duane) just finished catching up (to last week: I don't have TV so it's just internet for me, baby!) on RuPaul's Drag Race. Before that I was thinking about Whitney and the untimely loss of yet another icon, and now I'm reading the latest from Washington and New Jersey on same-sex marriage ("or as I like to call it: marriage"), and...a lot's changed in two years, kids! A lot has changed.

For one thing, I haven't posted in about four months (give or take. Thanks for keeping things running, Daddy Rod!). I guess I'm trying to be adult by focusing on my job, or I'm trying to be responsible, or maybe I'm just being lazy, or I lost my "voice" or I just write too damn much in my day job now...could be nine kajillion possible reasons why I haven't posted, but - and trust me on this - I wanted to! I really did/do! And, Lord (or whoever would actually give two shits about whether I join two words together in some semblance of a sentence) willing, I will post again...somewhat regularly...and hopefully in a way that is somewhat edifying (and entertaining, even!) to you, the readers.

In the meantime? Rod and I would like to announce (Feel free to jump in any time, Rod! You want me to carry this whole f*cking post myself!?) a conscious shift away from a more digest-like format, to a __________________.

Oh, HI, it's Rod.  I'm here to fill Duane's hole.  Or, um, fill in the blank.  You can tell it's me because I double space after periods and I'm in italics.  Anyway, yes, we are going forward, but just less as a curatorial digest and more as a source for original content.  While you can (and should) go to Towleroad or JoeMyGoddess for that kind of stuff (what WAS Gaga wearing at the Grammy Awards??) you can come here for different takes on the news of the day and stories you just won't find elsewhere.  As the Internet gets flatter and the tone goes more mono we hope to be a bit more, I don't know, personalized?  Friendly?  REAL?  Okay, back to Duane.

Sure, The Awl does quality AND quantity, but - remember - we're just two schlubs with day jobs and until Barry Diller or some other patron comes to free us from our other duties, we're choosing quality over quantity.

Thanks for following. Thanks for reading. Thanks for posting and sharing and supporting. Most of all, thanks for being friends...and faggots.  Hugs!

PSA: Tumblr is not really dangerous.

I'm afraid this is less true (unless you consider rubbing your dick raw "dangerous") than "Horny + Manhunt/Grindr/A4A/Dudesnude, etc. = Dangerous".

FAR less true than "Horny + Doing Crystal During a Gang Bang...", I am convinced.

Still, Tumblr in conjunction with horny - if you've followed enough of the "right" tumblrs - can certainly do significant damage to a) your fantasies b) your sleep quota, and c) your sheets.

Free Manhunt for New Yorkers this weekend. You know...For the end times!

Here's what we haven't written.

Both of your editors often start something that we don't finish.  Here's a peek at headlines from the last few months that didn't find their way to final form:

• Smart Ass  4 days ago by Duane
• What you missed a few Fridays ago at the Undergear event at District 36... 4 days ago by Duane
• Royal wedding apathy shows the end of aspiration.  6 days ago by Rod
• Do you ever watch porn and think, "Hey, is that..."  Apr 13, 2011 by Rod
• Pave the fucking streets.  Apr 5, 2011 by Rod
• R.I.P. American Dream  Apr 4, 2011 by Duane 
• Really "Dear Straight Dude"? This is pretty much the worst advice I've ever read.  Mar 31, 2011 by Duane
• The MAD Guide to Man Boobs.  Mar 26, 2011 by Rod
• I don't know about you but the extreme income/asset inequality in America really gets my knickers kinked.  Mar 22, 2011 by Duane
• Dear Gay Dude - Sorry, but I think you missed the mark completely.  Mar 7, 2011 by Duane
• A letter to David E. Kelley: Don't become the new Julie Taymor (or Ang Lee).  Mar 4, 2011 by Rod
• The day I said, "Fuck it," and hit "Mark All as Read"  Feb 22, 2011 by Rod
• We love you for not just accepting pat answers, but undertaking your own inquiry and drawing your own conclusions.  Feb 14, 2011 by Duane 
• Bottom line: stop acting like creepy schoolyard...   Feb 9, 2011 by Duane
• Timeliness is important: Know which time you're in (Work? Play!).  Feb 4, 2011 by Duane

Ever-the-pessimist says: This whole Law-firm-refuses-to-defend-DOMA thing sounds too "good" to be true.

The facts aren't enough for me to accuse anyone of duplicity or dismiss the entire story as fluff, but the cynic in me swears we're not getting the whole story about King & Spalding's decision not to defend DOMA. I think I want to believe they're not defending it because it's indefensible, but that's not really how the practice of law works.

Bright side? Somebody said "No thanks!" to defending DOMA (As myopically named a piece of legislation as any, I contend: Divorce isn't even mentioned?!) and whether that's because they felt the case wasn't prestigious enough, wasn't win-able or didn't pay enough, the fact that they decided against defending it forms a precedent (Ooo! Legal jargon!) which only adds to the difficulty the government faces in trying to defend DOMA.

I'm (clearly) no legal expert, but I'm hoping that this means DOMA will be that much easier to render ineffectual. On the other hand, this whole thing (especially this part: 'Additionally, the administration intends to enforce the law "unless and until Congress repeals Section 3 or the judicial branch renders a definitive verdict against the law's constitutionality."') makes me wonder...

(Somewhat questionably) Good news, (not really that relevant) "bad" news. Not bad for a Monday, eh?

Civilization Progress Report: Leave it to Mother Nature to uncover new sting-rays just as I'm leaving! Haa-rumph!

Hello, readers! Before we climb down into the trenches and wade through the week's muck, listen up! It's with a heavy heart I report this is my last Civilization Progress Report. This may prompt you to wonder several things. Things like, "Will civilization cease progressing?" and "Has the weeks' worth of bad news really taken a toll on our hero?" and to such questions, I say, "NOT IN THE LEAST." Civilization will still continue cranking on like the ol' jack-in-the-box it is, every now-and-then surprising us with a big pleasant-looking festive surprise. But this is adulthood folks and as you know, adulthood sucks and it's all about making it suck less. So chin up and let's get down!

•Surveillance footage from the recent gay-bashing incident in the West Village has surfaced. [Gothamist]

• Surveillance footage from a recent elephant-bashing incident by the CEO of GoDaddy has also surfaced. [Consumerist]

• CHICKILEAKS! Cutesy word-play on WikiLeaks aside, isn't any China-based food safety awareness issue funded by McDonald's a bit pot-kettle-black? [AdAge]

• So this was the week when a crazy cobra went missing from the Bronx Zoo and then was found again and this reminds of a ridiculous Bollywood film my cousin was telling me about one time where some people attack a cobra because it's believed there's a magical diamond in its head but then the cobra turns into a sexy chick and eats people. Great stuff. Trailer's below for that. [WSJ]

Mark Zuckerberg owes me $130.

 

Facebook has advertising on my profile page.  Why don't they pay me for that?  If Facebook is now valued at $65 billion, and claims to have 500 million users, that puts the value of each user at $130 per user.  To continue to have access to me, Facebook should write me a check, right? 

Jimmy Carter thinks you'd be a fine president.

New York Mag tries to have its gays, and eat (from profiting off) them, too.

I like New York Mag, honestly. It's got good, entertaining articles most of the time and I like it's semi- (or fully?) snide tone and way of chiding ignoramuses of all stripes (primarily Republican/conservative, truth be told.), not to mention its helpful listings and reviews of places and things to do around town.

Still, especially in all the hubbub about gays burbling up from nearly every news source, NYM managed to post contradictory items alternately chiding other media for exploiting gay stereotypes and perpetuating the abusive attitudes that lead to bullying and gay-bashing and exploiting those same stereotypes themselves.

In the first post at 12:15 the 12th of October, NYM writer Kyle Buchanan reported on the ongoing controversy surrounding Vince Vaughn's use of "gay" in the trailer for his new movie, The Dilemma, taking Vaughn, the movie's writer Alan Loeb, and it's director, Ron Howard, to task for including the "joke" in the trailer for the movie, as well as ostensibly keeping it in the movie, itself.

A scant 12 minutes later, Jessica Pressler of NYM's Daily Intel posted an article detailing a young man's choice to stay in Greenwich, CT and help his mom run a stuffed teddy bear business rather then follow the majority of his peers' path into finance in New York City. The article's angle - nay it's enter "news-worthiness" - hinged on the implication (communicated and underlined by countless allusions, including this one: "To be sure, getting involved with the "plush market," was a decision Matt, pictured at left in a pink shirt, wrestled with: "I thought, do I really want to be a guy working in the toy business?") that staying home and working with his mother in the stuffed animal industry was not manly; or at least not as manly as following in the footsteps of his peers and male ancestors by entering the world of finance in "the city".  The title of the article made the implicit connection with sex - and, in conjunction with the rest of the implications in the article, with his sexual preference - clear, "Young Greenwich Man Shuns Wall Street to Become Plushie Advocate".

Honestly? I'm not terribly offended by either (while, at the same time, I don't condone either.), but - in the name of consistency - let's watch our messages, shall we New York Mag?

"In & Out", Naked Highway, 2010

This video has some really hot guys, and Duane. Shot by Mister Camilo Fontecilla, it is replete with New York gentlemen Mike Dreyden, Daryl Ipinchu, Jonny Mack, Michael Maier, Reed McGowan, W. Jeremy Pelser, Doug Repetti, and Naked Highway's lead singer Sy Boccari. 

A polite request was sent to Mister Roggendorff to post about his experience behind the camera (POST ABOUT THE VIDEO OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS), to which Duane replied "if i were to do so i'd look like a vain-ass motherfucker".  There are questions remaining though about the model's motivation, about working with Mister Fontecilla as director, about whether that's his new grill or the old one, and more.

Perhaps if enough readers leave comments requesting the back story, Duane "Celebrity" Roggendorff will do a follow-up post.

PS - You can buy the single on iTunes.

Civilization Progress Report: How True Blood's Alexander Skarsgård doesn't make us mind the prospect of a second heat wave

This week, those of us living in spacious apartments in the outer boroughs (and areas of Manhattan that are so far north of 125th Street that they might as well be an outer borough) crawled into our freezers in a two-pronged effort to experience what it would feel like to (a) not die of a heat stroke as a vicious heat wave threatened to scorch all of New York City and (b) pay too much to live in a veritable sardine tin of an apartment like many Manhattanites do. Meanwhile, the rest of the world enjoyed several different interpretations of the phrase "world on fire."

• RUDE OIL Which is the best time to point out that BP, who remains deludedly optimistic that they can clean up the oil spill within the month, may have torched a whale or two. [Current]

• CRUDE OIL Speaking of crude oil, thanks to America's blind and uneducated love for EVOO--and pretty reprehensible food distribution laws--most of the olive oil that lands on our supermarket shelves ends up diluted with canola oil and cat spit or something comparable. [Consumerist]

Take my hand and let's go further deep into this pile of rubble to see what else is left of the world!

A Summer challenge...

You in, America? Let's do this.

"I be checkin' a couple feengs I need to get right."

Speech Debelle

An open letter to Lifelong Virgin, writer of this week's New York Sex Diary:

  TOTALS: One act of masturbation; one canceled visit with non-boyfriend; one instance of technological penis envy; three states. Virginity still very much intact.  - From this week's New York Sex Diary, the author of which is whom this post is addressed.

Hi Lifetime Virgin:

Once upon a time, I too was a late bloomer.  I too eschewed encounters with everyone I thought might be gay as they just weren't my cup of tea.  The problem though wasn't with me or with the gays, it was with what 'society' taught me was gay.  One day though, it turned out that gay guys weren't just Will and Jack.  They weren't the screamy loud people whose lives revolved around their sexuality, adorned in bright rainbow costumes with the butt-cheek cutaways.  They were businessmen, and writers, and deejays, and most of all they were really great guys.  I found my niche, and I want you to do so, too.

So, Lifelong Virgin, there are enough clues in the Diary entry for me to see some opportunities for you to enjoy this little thing called sex.  Actually, I'm going to focus on one huge one:

9:30 p.m.: Upright Citizens Brigade’s Harold Night. So many cute beards (literally) attached to as many cute faces. Are they gay? No. At one point two dudes take off their shirts onstage. After gasping and clapping my hands together like a child at a circus, I yell "Take it off!" to the other dudes onstage. Sadly, they did no such thing.

You're also attending improv shows later in the same week.  Have you considered a comedic gay?  Here's one!  He's not single, but consider going to his shows?  Other comedic gays and their fans will be there!  The Same-Sextacular seems quite up your alley.   The fellows there likely will "take it off"!

Another issue to address:

8:30 a.m.: Commute to work. Crossword puzzle wins over hot commuters AGAIN. What is it about the Upper West Side that is so sterile? 

Sadly, the Upper West Side is where passion, style, energy, vigor and many other things do go to die.  Your nearest homosex outlets are in Hell's Kitchen, which, while filled with many fine gentlemen, may not be the place for you.  It seems that you might need some time downtown.  

For you, our virgin friend, This Is FYF has an offer:  We will get you on the list for any party you choose (as long as we can get into it, that is)...No special attention will be proffered, and you will not be put on a stage, or photographed or called out as THE VIRGIN, in anyway. All we ask in return is that you give us a field report of the experience (Hell, if you want to make this exploration "a thing", we'll make you a contributor!  Or not.).  Really, we just you want to live a fuller, richer life.  And have sex.  Or not.

(Image via Virgin Airways.)

Kiss-Out: More rumination...

Happily for many (perhaps), this is probably the last post on this topic, but I couldn't resist posting the following in light of the comments that've been made and the discussion that's taken place in the past couple days over gay activism and "appropriate" vs. effective protests:

Gawker reports Dubai is cracking down on both sexting and PDA, arresting two Emirates employees for exchanging allegedly wanton sexts as well as taking a tourist couple to trial after an Emirati (Didn't know THAT was what they're called!) mother reported them for "kissing passionately and touching each other" in the presence of her children.

See? It's the MOTHERS! What did I tell you!?

Global Warming: Some perspective

 
 (Hat tip: Jennifer Landry for photo and accompanying article reference)

The History Channel's How The Earth Was Made series starts (I think?) with a survey sort of episode that takes you from "the beginning" right up to the current time, explaining what is currently accepted as the geological (and biological, after biology makes its first appearance well after the geological has begun) progression of Earth. Watching it the other night, a few thoughts that had been bouncing around in my head for a while about the whole global warming/conservation debate were given the right context for them to coalesce and make a whole lot more sense...at least to me. 

Benevolent and magnanimous (co-)ruler of this (tiny) domain that I am, I decided to share these revelations with you. They also kind of tangentially deal with the whole, "Why are we here?" question, too, by which I mean the "What's the point of what we're all doing here?" question.

Ok, so basically, there's all KIND of shiitake that's gone down for years and years and years (we're talking millions) that's gotten Earth to where it is currently. That whole "If a tree falls in the woods...etc." conundrum is rendered moot given the simply gi-NOR-mous amounts of time that passed before there was any (that we are aware of) "consciousness", not to mention organs or even organisms to witness any of the stuff happening that happened yea those many millenia.  

Alright! So...moving along, the time we've existed on this planet is very small in comparison to the vast amounts of time that passed before our arrival: it's only been during a short "commercial break" if you will, between ice ages, really (about 15,000 years roughly)...and yet, in that relatively short time - actually shorter as it's occurred primarily since the Industrial Revolution - we've nearly depleted ALL of the Planet's coal and oil stores that took several millions of years for it to produce.

This isn't a "Plant a tree for every one cut (and we'll be fine)" sort of renewal situation.

NOT trying to sound dire, however...just trying to put it all in perspective. Edification, my dear...it's all about edification (hopefully)!

Truth is, the impending ice age may take care of the whole issue anyway! We assume we (humans) will exist in perpetuity, but, archaeological records of extinct species - killed by ecological and geological forces/changes - show that's not a foregone (or even likely) conclusion. 

(Disembodied voice of Humanity past) "Hark! Here's the Roomba glacier come to clean all this sh*t up!"

Ponder.

"Are you gay? No? Then f- off! This is my culture!"

  

So yeah it's George Michael and yeah he was cruising for "rough" trade in the bushes, but...buried deep beneath the shame and the acting out in reaction to shame and the cultural ramifications and the desire to assimilate and the hatred thereof...there's a point...and I think it's worth pondering. No? 

What is it to be homosexual? What is it to be MALE homosexuals? How's that differ from being female homosexuals? Is promiscuity inherent in being homosexual? Is promiscuity deviant? Is it any business of a heterosexual or the larger "hetero-normative" society if we (homos) are promiscious? If it is, why and under what circumstances/in what instances?

I'd prefer not to be shamed,...nor be deserving of it, and I'd prefer not to have to hide something about myself I see as integral and of which I'm proud. The question, then, is where's the line? Let's get all Dutch on this and lay it all out without shame and without embarrassment and figure out the best way to live together peacefully.

This (finished and produced) thing has the same name as that (unfinished and non-produced) thing.