The photo at left is a picture of Marilyn Monroe. It's not one of the more iconic or famous shots, but if you are a fan, you might be curious to know more about it. A problem in the world of Tumblrs and blogs has crept into mainstream media. Photos and graphics are commonly used with no attribution. It's incredibly frustrating to find a picture/design/person that you are wild about and about which you would like to learn more. Many times I've asked bloggers and others more about a graphic they've used only to hear back, "Oh, I don't remember where it's from, but I like it so I posted it".
Now there is the beginning of a solution. Reverse-photo searches can find other websites that have used the same image. TinEye revealed to me that the photo of Marilyn is a still from The Misfits, one of her lesser-known, but highly acclaimed roles. Many pictures don't turn up any results, but at least it's a starting point.
"Durn it! This kid gay or ain't he?" (Correct Answer: Doesn't matter)
Slate recently published an article entitled, 'When do gay kids start "acting gay"', positing that some begin as early as when they are toddlers. The article, and the terminology used to describe both the behavior and the individuals' sexuality begs the question: What is acting gay?
Reading the article we find that acting gay is something almost solely ascribed to non-gender-conforming boys...i.e. - boys who are effeminate, where effeminate is used to indicate boys who like to play with dolls, for instance, or who "shy away from roughhousing" and take an interest in makeup or women's clothing.
Two things I'd like to interject here (that will likely get me derided and dismissed as effeminate again by Towleroad commenters):
1) Why is masculinity such a hard-won battle?
As the article states, little girls who gravitate toward trucks and sticks aren't given nearly the hard time that's given little boys in high heels. Not surprisingly then, the article relates that studies have found little boys are both highly aware and very careful to only play with certain toys and show interest in certain activities from a very young age.
2) It's obvious that all of this (boys should play with trucks, girls with dolls) is arbitrary, isn't it?
And - more to the point - it's not particularly useful in any way?!:
"A disproportionate number of boys who don't conform to gender stereotypes turn out to be gay men, but lots of gay men played with G.I. Joe as boys and quarterbacked the high-school football team*. Neither does the relationship appear to be as strong among girls. Tomboys aren't as likely to become lesbian adults."
* - Mm-Hmm! I BET they did!
Can we just give the toys a rest, let the kids grow up and then concentrate on what they like doing with their genitals, instead?
A new Pew Research Center poll suggests that 69% of U.S. adults prefer trying to activate, access and understand voicemail over the simplicity of text.
This - to me - is like preferring to use your iPad to iron your bedsheets.
(METHODOLOGICAL NOTE: It's very likely that the questions were asked in such a way as to confuse the respondents and make them think the question was asking whether they prefer to receive a call on their phone versus a text. This is - obviously - an asinine assumption on their part as well as an asinine question being that NO ONE actually answers their phone anymore?!)
09/10/2011
Here's a tip: Don't take a cab ANYWHERE below 23rd Street today. Traffic nightmare downtown.
I think this is a really, really good idea - and timely!
WARNING: May be even MORE cathartic than bitching on Facebook!!
From Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology:
"LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I periodically perform a public ritual called Unhappy Hour. During this focused binge of emotional cleansing, participants unburden themselves of their pent-up sadness, disappointment, frustration, and shame. They may choose to mutter loud complaints or howl with histrionic misery or even sob uncontrollably. At the end of the ceremony, they celebrate the relief they feel at having freely released so much psychic congestion, and they go back out into the world feeling refreshed. Many people find that by engaging in this purge, they are better able to conjure up positive emotional states in the days and weeks that follow. It's a perfect time for you to carry out your own Unhappy Hour, Libra. For inspiration, listen to my version here: http://bitly.com/UnhappyHour."
A one-time (and recently refreshed) favorite, "Diego Valentino" (99.9% certain NOT his real name.) posed for Advocate Men some years back. Here, he's looking pretty fine and nothing too terribly objectionable's going on in the shot.
We've succumbed to the temptation to dub the ongoing inquiry into what it means to be gay in which we're engaged "W.I.G.", short for "What. Is. Gay.".
Just as a refresher, the imminent arrival of Pride and the recent discussions regarding whether some one can be "post-homosexual" have raised some interesting questions for us here at FYF, including what is meant by "gay", particularly in the statement, "I'm gay.". We're also curious about whether the meaning of "gay" itself has changed since the word was first used to refer to homosexuality in the late 19th or early 20th century.
In this particular post, there's a rather less serious tone and inquiry before us, considering we're asking whether the above photo captures a gay child riding his unicorn bike, and - if so - why riding a unicorn bike makes him gay. ShaquAndre, I think you'd better weigh in on this one...
Additionally, we chuckled over the clever, tongue-in-...well HAND-in-cheek, perhaps, video below from YouTube-lebrity Gay Carrington and present it here for both comic (albeit slightly sinister) relief and as a point of (rather obvious) clarification regarding Gay - the name - vs. gay - the identity.
First of all, does anyone else experience VAST frustration with online video players such as YouTube and Vimeo? No matter what computer I'm on, I can't recall a single time I've watched a video via either service without experiencing a great deal of buffering and/or pausing throughout. Is this just me? Is there someone techie enough to explain to me, in laymen's terms, why a video inevitably plays in fits and starts, completely nullifying the point of watching a video (particularly one of a song or piece of music)? Further adding to my frustration is the fact that Netflix does such a good job streaming. Sure, they're a subscription service and thus demand is limited, but...? It just doesn't seem right.
Back to the actual topic of this post: Does twee equal gay? In the video above, the opening makes (a very well-shot and edited) reference to old Westerns and the gun duels that were often central to their plot. Perhaps purposely; perhaps not, Nick Wooster and Josh Peskowitz look a bit foolish in their Thom Browne-length suit pants and sockless shoes when compared, mentally, with the traditionally rugged (read disheveled) gunslinger of the Old West (as imagined by countless Hollywood movies, anyway).
Question then... Does their foppishness, contrasted with the rugged, (and frankly) dusty men of old Westerns make them "gay"?
Given the giant reaction to the whole GRIDTo thing and that it's Pride Month, why not try to address the question that's being begged, i.e. - What is gay? Some argue it's a relic of a bygone era when homosexuality was a covert activity and dire circumstances created a palpable culture that could be referred to, shorthand, as gay. Others claim it's an ongoing identity, a chosen status as outcast that will endure for as long as we continue choosing it. For me, the question remains unanswered, as I resist adopting an identity solely based on symbols and arguably common interests, yet I understand the problematic aspect of defining myself "in opposition to" anything, or of refusing to belong solely for the sake of refusal.
I aim to write a series of posts, then, in which I explore some of the ideas I have about what gay is, in the hopes that some of you will provide feedback or offer your submissions of your own conceptions of gay and that a healthy dialogue will occur, allowing us to continue honing our understanding of ourselves as gays, wo/men and humans.
Cheesy to say so, but it may not be something you've stopped to think about lately - that there's such a wide spectrum of body types, looks and attributes men possess.
Chaosmen has set up a nice compare/contrast opportunity by photographing their "models" in similar stances. Take a look, after the jump, and marvel at how, even among a set of men constricted to a generally identical body type or fitness level, there's such a wide variety of combinations and potential attractiveness. Maybe loosen your grip on the idea that "hot" is fairly homogenous (no pun!) while you're at it (and if you suffer from that.).
Automobiles are inarguably an intrinsic part of the American psyche. In the rest of the country, walking anywhere other than (or further than) around the block on which your home sits is enough to raise questions concerning your sanity (Drive to the Mall and walk laps like everybody else, idiot!).
Only here in New York - the only truly pedestrian city in America - are the sides "even" enough (said tongue-in-cheek as pedestrians probably outnumber cars here in NYC at least 2-to-1...without even considering that the vast majority of cars in the city are from far outside it.) for the question to even be raised of whether more streets, more parking...more urban space taken for use by cars is the best possible use of that space, much less that question seriously being considered and potentially answered in the negative.
As we've seen over the last year or so after the immense explosion of new bike lanes throughout the city - and the incrediblyvirulentbacklash to said explosion - the "question" is far from answered for many.
Full disclosure: I don't own a car and I do own a bike, albeit one hobbled with a flat tire at the moment. That said, I don't consider myself a rabid supporter of either side. I see points on both sides, but...here's the crux of the matter: we have to coexist. Nothing's going to happen to completely wipe out automobile use in the near future, just as nothing will cause people to utterly cease riding bicycles, so...for now at least, we've got to share.
Let's start by doing what we should be doing in a packed urban context of over 8 million people to begin with: practice courtesy. If you're gonna park your bike somewhere, think about what might happen there after you've left. Consider possibilities and do your best to mitigate the potentially negative consequences if some of those actually occur. If you are a driver and you seriously damage a bike - even if it was parked in such a way that made it fairly hard not to damage it and still get by it - take responsibility for the damage. Not only is it the right thing to do, but Schiller's employees are watching (See photo).
Bike lanes are pretty awesome and help with that whole sharing thing (Unless you're a pedestrian who just sees it as an extension of the sidewalk. Perfectly understandable! But it's not. Don't stand in it.) so don't be a dick and think you're funny.
These are just a couple of broad examples of issues potentially created when bikers, pedestrians and cars occupy the same space, but there are numerous others, of course. Basically? Be aware. Think - no matter how you're getting around. If you want to do whatever the fuck you want wherever you want (Like type out a text while slowly walking up a narrow exit staircase from the subway during rush hour with a line of people backing up behind you. Just hypothetically...), move somewhere there's room to do so without affecting others. Simple, no?
Oh and for you bikers, here's a how-to tune up your bicycle video I happened to run across. Service-y! That's FYF.
The final quote for you, to help with your foci, is truly an instance of saving the best for last. Cutting to the chase (but you BETTER still read Mister Newport's words below!), there is no greater method for honing your ability to focus in a flood of distractions than to practice. That said? It's fucking HARD!:
What is your training regime for increasing your ability to focus hard on something without distraction?
This "hard focus" is at the core of completing outstanding work in a compact amount of time - be it a book or problem set. Hard focus, however, is also a muscle that requires training to develop. (When helping students with this ability, for example, I have them start with 20-minute blocks of undistracted work, and then add 10 minutes every two weeks.)
To ignore this muscle, and continue to work with your email open and Facebook refreshing, thinking up excuse after excuse why this connection is "crucial" for your job, makes you like the wannabe athlete who refuses to hit the weight room. You're not a contender." (Emphasis added by me.)
Quotes 4 & 5 (really) are included together in this post as - for some reason - I don't feel they're quite as impactful as the others. This may just be me or that I haven't yet reached a place where they relate more strongly to my experience, but...all the same... Hopefully, you get something from them, regardless:
What's the ONE BIG THING you want to accomplish today?
The big danger for hyperconnected creative professionals is that incoming demands and digital distractions get in the way of real productivity - i.e. making inroads on your big, scary, difficult, and (ultimately) rewarding creative challenges.
If you do ONE BIG THING today - one draft design, one chapter, one photoshoot, one intensive rehearsal - it feels like a productive day. (Two or more is for superheroes.) But if you don't nail that one thing, it doesn't matter how many little jobs you get done, you know in your heart it was a wasted day.
Asking yourself this question first thing helps you focus and prioritize. After that, the only things that can get in your way are emergencies and excuses.
It's very hard to be productive in the long-term when trying to do things for which you aren't motivated. You might have to "suck it up" once in a while to complete a certain task, but for the "big rocks" it's much easier to construct your work around things you're excited about."
Look for the final installment tomorrow on - for good luck! - Friday the 13th.
Is what I'm about to do (or say) moving the ball forward?
Oftentimes, in creative projects, we act out of impulse rather than reason. Shiny objects and other fleeting fascinations have a tendency to drain our resources. Before you allocate time to any task, question your intended outcome. The same goes for your contributions in meetings. When you speak, are you "content-making" or simply "commentating"? Be intentional. Everything you do or say should move the ball forward toward your goal. If it doesn't, it is liable to waste precious energy and get you off track."
I'd also recommend reading Joaquin Latina's comment and mulling it over a bit with regard to commodifying ourselves and what that means for our humanity.
The simple act of becoming more aware of where your attention is helps you to focus it where you want it to be - on creating something great. Too often we get distracted or get caught in unimportant tasks - coming back to the moment often will help."
An ongoing theme for me these days - and, consequently, in my FYF posts - is focus. Information glut and an abundance of connectivity sap my attention to any one task; even going so far as to hamper the prioritization of my to-do list that might have encouraged expediency in those far too fleeting moments when I AM able to focus.
Are you scheduling time daily to focus without interruption?
Set aside at least one time period during the day - no more than 90 minutes at a time (and as close to that as possible) - to focus without interruption. Time, in other words, to do something important but not urgent - to write something, reflect, strategize, imagine, work on a longer term project.
The key here is control of attention. We’re so distracted, and we’re feeding that instinct every time we move between tasks. We need to (re)train our attention. Focused attention can serve tasks - that’s the left hemisphere at work, doing rational, deductive, logical, step-by-step thinking.
The other kind of attention, which serves creativity, is where the right hemisphere is dominant. That requires deeply quieting the mind. It was Betty Edwards (Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain) who discovered that one powerful way to prompt a powerful shift from left to right hemisphere is to copy an upside down line drawing. Or simply to draw, for that matter.
But there are lots of ways to prompt the shift: take a walk in nature, go for a run, listen to classical music... Even take a shower. It’s repetition that matters. The more we train any muscle - including the right hemisphere - the stronger and more active it becomes."
Proof I need help? This post took almost two days to write.
Over the weekend, a friend texted to say hello. He'd just aborted a sex date before it even began. Originated via an "internet dating site" (as another friend euphemized it earlier), the physical meeting had turned all expectations for the encounter on their heads due to a complete lack of chemistry between my friend and his potential sex partner, at least in my friend's assessment.
Later on the phone, my friend described the event in greater detail, saying he had just known he wasn't in to it from the moment he met the guy and had excused himself rather quickly, without explanation. The guy's only response (understandably, yet rather pitifully) was a repeated, beseeching, "But why?".
In this exceedingly visual, "hot"-obsessed world that embraces artifice ever more closely with each passing day, we'd do well to maintain a differentiation in our minds between appearance and attraction; profiles and individuals. As another friend quoted - also over the weekend (it was BU-sy!) -
