this is fyf

Facebook is taking ads from sex clubs. Part two.

Facebook is taking ads from sex clubs.

 

 

 

 

 

This was a surprise.  Facebook, which doesn't accept pictures of male butts (or of women breastfeeding), will accept ads from sex clubs.  The above ad from East Side Club popped up in the strangest place, the profile picture of a straight male friend.  

There are sex parties on Facebook.

Okay, so maybe this is just me being grandmother, but did you know that sex parties now regularly use Facebook to invite and to create guestlists?  My Facebook invites in the past have included birthday parties, breathing classes, yoga retreats, comedy shows, and just your regular weekly club/bar events, but there was this new one, "Underwear/Sex party in large apartment".  It was your typical sex party as rent party scenario where you pay $20 at the door, put your clothes in a bag and stroll around an apartment (that has had all of its valuables safely tucked away).  They typically serve a little booze and people get down.  There have been these types of parties for as long as people have paid rent.

The key to throwing such a soiree is keeping a guest list that is into each other.  You don't invite Hell's Kitchen tweakers and Brooklyn bifocal bears to the same place.  Adding the element of Facebook makes it suddenly very upfront as to who will be there and what type of crowd it will be.  And if you like someone and would like to see them again, you can just go back to Facebook after the party.  No need for lube-smeared phone numbers written on Brawny paper towels.

And as a final note, the event organizers asked that I not post a link.  Maybe you'll get your invite soon though?

Daniel Nardicio on the closing of DList, the gay social networking site he helped found back before you were on Facebook.

Focus honed, honey? We'd hope so (Focus! The Finale)

In a world of distraction, I'm honing my focus.

A recent post on Behance on setting goals to get things done at the office includes some great methods for increasing your focus and we'll be presenting the best of them, one at a time, to allow you to...well, focus on each individually.

The final quote for you, to help with your foci, is truly an instance of saving the best for last. Cutting to the chase (but you BETTER still read Mister Newport's words below!), there is no greater method for honing your ability to focus in a flood of distractions than to practice. That said? It's fucking HARD!:

"From Cal Newport of Study Hacks:

What is your training regime for increasing your ability to focus hard on something without distraction? 

This "hard focus" is at the core of completing outstanding work in a compact amount of time - be it a book or problem set. Hard focus, however, is also a muscle that requires training to develop. (When helping students with this ability, for example, I have them start with 20-minute blocks of undistracted work, and then add 10 minutes every two weeks.)

To ignore this muscle, and continue to work with your email open and Facebook refreshing, thinking up excuse after excuse why this connection is "crucial" for your job, makes you like the wannabe athlete who refuses to hit the weight room. You're not a contender." (Emphasis added by me.)

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Foci Focusing: Part 4 (A double-header)

In a world of distraction, I'm honing my focus.

A recent post on Behance on setting goals to get things done at the office includes some great methods for increasing your focus and we'll be presenting the best of them, one at a time, to allow you to...well, focus on each individually.

Quotes 4 & 5 (really) are included together in this post as - for some reason - I don't feel they're quite as impactful as the others. This may just be me or that I haven't yet reached a place where they relate more strongly to my experience, but...all the same... Hopefully, you get something from them, regardless:

"From Mark McGuinness of Lateral Action:

What's the ONE BIG THING you want to accomplish today?

The big danger for hyperconnected creative professionals is that incoming demands and digital distractions get in the way of real productivity - i.e. making inroads on your big, scary, difficult, and (ultimately) rewarding creative challenges. 

If you do ONE BIG THING today - one draft design, one chapter, one photoshoot, one intensive rehearsal - it feels like a productive day. (Two or more is for superheroes.) But if you don't nail that one thing, it doesn't matter how many little jobs you get done, you know in your heart it was a wasted day. 

Asking yourself this question first thing helps you focus and prioritize. After that, the only things that can get in your way are emergencies and excuses.

From Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Non-Conformity:

Why do you do this every single day?

It's very hard to be productive in the long-term when trying to do things for which you aren't motivated. You might have to "suck it up" once in a while to complete a certain task, but for the "big rocks" it's much easier to construct your work around things you're excited about."

Look for the final installment tomorrow on - for good luck! - Friday the 13th.

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FOCUS! Part 3

In a world of distraction, I'm honing my focus.

A recent post on Behance on setting goals to get things done at the office includes some great methods for increasing your focus and we'll be presenting the best of them, one at a time, to allow you to...well, focus on each individually.

Quote 3 - Oh-so-wise!!:

"From Scott Belsky of Behance:

Is what I'm about to do (or say) moving the ball forward?

Oftentimes, in creative projects, we act out of impulse rather than reason. Shiny objects and other fleeting fascinations have a tendency to drain our resources. Before you allocate time to any task, question your intended outcome. The same goes for your contributions in meetings. When you speak, are you "content-making" or simply "commentating"? Be intentional. Everything you do or say should move the ball forward toward your goal. If it doesn't, it is liable to waste precious energy and get you off track."

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Focusing your foci: Part 2

In a world of distraction, I'm honing my focus.

A recent post on Behance on setting goals to get things done at the office includes some great methods for increasing your focus and we'll be presenting the best of them, one at a time, to allow you to...well, focus on each individually.

"From Leo Babauta of Zen Habits:

What are you doing in this moment? 

The simple act of becoming more aware of where your attention is helps you to focus it where you want it to be - on creating something great. Too often we get distracted or get caught in unimportant tasks - coming back to the moment often will help."

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Foci are the plural of focus: Honing yours.

An ongoing theme for me these days - and, consequently, in my FYF posts - is focus. Information glut and an abundance of connectivity sap my attention to any one task; even going so far as to hamper the prioritization of my to-do list that might have encouraged expediency in those far too fleeting moments when I AM able to focus.

In other words, I can't get anything done.

A post on Behance on maintaining focus at the office includes some great methods and we'll be presenting the best of them, one at a time, to allow you to...well, focus on each individually.

The first is longest, but hopefully that'll give you a chance to brush up your focusing skills while reading about fostering focus.

"From Tony Schwartz of the Energy Project:

Are you scheduling time daily to focus without interruption?

Set aside at least one time period during the day - no more than 90 minutes at a time (and as close to that as possible) - to focus without interruption. Time, in other words, to do something important but not urgent - to write something, reflect, strategize, imagine, work on a longer term project.

The key here is control of attention. We’re so distracted, and we’re feeding that instinct every time we move between tasks. We need to (re)train our attention. Focused attention can serve tasks - that’s the left hemisphere at work, doing rational, deductive, logical, step-by-step thinking.

The other kind of attention, which serves creativity, is where the right hemisphere is dominant. That requires deeply quieting the mind.  It was Betty Edwards (Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain) who discovered that one powerful way to prompt a powerful shift from left to right hemisphere is to copy an upside down line drawing.  Or simply to draw, for that matter.

But there are lots of ways to prompt the shift: take a walk in nature, go for a run, listen to classical music... Even take a shower. It’s repetition that matters. The more we train any muscle - including the right hemisphere - the stronger and more active it becomes."

Proof I need help? This post took almost two days to write.

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If the majority of your friends are squeeing over Kylie in concert and not the Gaga HBO special, does that make you old?

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"I got a Kylie ticket!"

"Kylie's covering Eurythmics!"

"Kylie!  Kylie! K-k-k-kylie!"

Seriously, you may never see a group of middle-aged homosexuals behave more like teenagers.  With Kylie in concert Monday through Wednesday this week, the Book of Face and Twitter have been filled with Kylie among men of a certain age.

Meanwhile, there is this:

Mentions among my friends excited to see this are, well, nonexistent.  It airs Saturday night on HBO, so you'd think there would be some postings here and there, but no.

The troubling thought arises:  Does a preference for Kylie over Gaga make one old?  Is Kylie to my friends what Bette Midler is to a generation beyond mine?  Or could the shady "Well, my friends have better taste so of course they prefer the gracious showmanship of Kylie over the crass imposter Gaga," be true?

A look outside the social networks shows older folks drinking the Gaga Kool-Aid.  Joe.My.Gaga posts regularly about the lady.  And clearly Towleroad doesn't just drink the Kool-Aid, they bathe in it.  Then again Lady Gaga means pageviews in the Internet world, so of course they mention her often.

So does a Facebook feed full of Kylie mean that you are old?  Does a dearth of Gaga mean the same?  Conclusion:  Maybe!  The key is to just appreciate that both represent similar things to many of your brethren, so if you're a "young" don't hate on Kylie, and if you're middle age, don't just dish on the Gaga lest you come off as a bitter old queen.

(Disclaimer:  The author is still very much Team Madonna.)

(All up in my) Facebook

Ubiquity may not be all its cracked up to be, at least not in Facebook's case. More often than not of late I've felt unduly put upon and acutely irritated by all the jibber-jabber whenever I log-in to Facebook (I know this is rich, rich, RICH coming from me, but every goddamn person's got so much to say!? WTF people?! Just cuz you think it doesn't mean you need to broadcast it!). So this morning, Kerri's status pretty perfectly resonated with me when I happened upon it. And yes, I am that ultimate of hypocrites; a "big" user of Facebook using Facebook to explain my distaste for Facebook.

Facebook a "real" problem, though? Eh. Not so much. I'm with Rod on this one...just get off the damn thing. That said, it's a (sometimes) necessary tool and a massive, bottomless rabbit hole you can get lost in for days so, if you have trouble tearing your eyes away, switch to Google Chrome as your browser and try this extension for it: StayFocusd. Lifehacker has a rundown of how to use it to ensure you don't fall down the hole (but can still enjoy the "fun" aspects of it when you have time) here.

Cure for Facebook Depression is to stop looking at your computer and go bake a cake or something.

Via The Advocate:

A new set of guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics warns that the often skewed realities paraded on social networking sites can lead to what doctors are calling “Facebook depression.”

Who hasn't taken a look at the Book of Face and thought, "Hey, why wasn't I invited to the Disco Book Club?"  As a fan of picking oneself up by the jockstrap, might the simple answer just be to invite oneself or just go do something else or just, like, do something other than stare at a computer screen.  This is a case of looking at something that people do when depressed and giving it a name since it will likely land you an article in a professional journal that might spread out to gay publications and perhaps blogs who see terms like "Facebook Depression" and think, "Oh, I'm totaly writing about that."

Mark Zuckerberg owes me $130.

 

Facebook has advertising on my profile page.  Why don't they pay me for that?  If Facebook is now valued at $65 billion, and claims to have 500 million users, that puts the value of each user at $130 per user.  To continue to have access to me, Facebook should write me a check, right? 

Civilization Progress Report: Ask yourself this President's Day if Paris Hilton would make a better American leader than Sarah Palin

Q1 of every year is, without a doubt, the most agonizing part of every year. We're still working our way through blizzards. There really aren't any major holidays. Basically besides giving New Yorkers a chance to showcase their wide variety of scarves and strut around in boots or, on Valentine's Day ideally, grab their paramour by the lapels of their peacoat and whisper Spice Girls lyrics to them, the first three months of every year is miserable. Which is why this weekend--a long weekend for many of us!--is a boon. Most of us have probably been burning the candle at both ends! So take this weekend to sleep more, eat more, exercise more, dance more, and then start back at square one. And somewhere in there, make time to look at the paint peeling off the walls of civilization.

• Through the miracle of geotargeting,Facebook has made available to users in nations where being a member of the LGBT will not get them jailed or murdered the option to more accurately display the nature of their relationships, with options like IN A CIVIL UNION WITH. [Redmond Pie]

• Which is great news for all the betrothed same-sex folks in Hawai'i, as civil unions are being passed into law! [Reuters]

• Meanwhile, Maryland could be verging on passing gay marriage into law any day now. [Baltimore Sun]

Just when you thought every queen you knew was on Facebook, another one joins up.

Yes, Queen Elizabeth II now has a Facebook page where you can send her funny kitten pics, Ke$ha videos, and party invites.  Apparently she needs three more cantaloupe plants to afford a silo on Farmville, so maybe you can help her out? 

Civilization Progress Report: "And this is why India can't have nice things."

Picture via Random Specific

After I got home from work last night, my mom called me and we got to discussing the Commonwealth Games, which, according to Wikipedia, is just like the Olympics, only America's not invited to the party. Which makes sense, I suppose, as America doesn't make a past-time out of activities like rugby and netball. Late 2009, the Indian capital of New Delhi embarked on a bold urban renewal project in order to prepare for its turn at hosting the games this year. But since no one could really get their act together in the nearly eight months that ensued, preparations for the games crumbled into an incomplete mess of half-finished venues and swarms of mosquitoes carrying dengue fever. This is giving officials from other countries cold feet about moving forward. But as someone who's fallen in love with a country whose labor force is always striking for one reason or another, I merely remarked to my mom, "And this is why India can't have nice things,"¹ and we defected to more relevant topics like calorie-counting. Which is essentially to say, dear readers, that this week we learned well why no particular slice of the world--except for Lucy Lawless' native New Zealand--deserves nice things at all.

• So, yes, more details re: how slow-to-stalled Commonwealth Games-related construction is accelerating the spread of dengue fever throughout Delhi. [WSJ]

• FASTER THAN A FACEBOOK STATUS Not-at-all flailing auto manufacturer GM encourages all drivers to simultaneously update their Facebook statuses while gunning the gas pedal. [Consumerist]

Civilization Progress Report: Apple announces brand new product that doesn't work well and world pretends to be agog

This is how much I love all of you--all six or seven, perhaps eight--who read this. For about 83 minutes last night, I experienced some serious internet connectivity issue, which I tried to resolve by trying to (a) smack the modem against my parquet in hopes of forcing it to cooperate, (b) cuss at it in order to berate it into submission, (c) yank out several cords and plug them back in, and of course (d) feverishly click the RENEW DHCP LEASE button in my System Preferences panel. But as with most computer-related issues, this issue has kind of fixed itself. So you, dear reader, should regard this overlong palaver about my connectivity woes as an excellent segue into a number of very loud proclamations hipster egghead Steve Jobs made this week regarding technology that continues not to work as it should, but is let loose on the public, anyway. Presenting your world this week: A tangled mess of computer and telephone cords and short-circuiting motherboards!

• Did you remember to celebrate 90210 day yesterday? I didn't, but to my credit, I do at least own the entire series of So Notorious on DVD, so there you go! [Gawker TV]

• AMERICAN MIDOL Because American Idol is committed to excellence in pop music, they may be hiring acclaimed "Louboutins" warbler Jennifer Lopez to fill in as a new judge. [OK!]

Facebook 'Places' doesn't work in New York City.

The whole Internet woke up and upgraded their iPhone this morning.  See, Facebook 'Places' was part of the new update (which I quickly built a privacy shield around as I was really just wanting to upgrade the increasingly buggy app).  Even if you wanted all your friends to know that you were at Rawhide, you can't.  The error message you get is at left.  A quick confirmation of the Facebook friends finds similar results from other New Yorkers..

Granted, this is only New York City.  We're still trying to get In-N-Out Burger, too.

UPDATE:  About eighteen hours after the launch, it now works!

Civilization Progress Report: Breaking! Gay people have to be gay in order to work (gaily) in the gay media!

There is this whole thing up at Queerty asking us, "Do you have to be gay to work in the gay media?" and it's like, why bother reading the 492 or how many ever words that ensue because ultimately yes, you have to be gay to work in the gay media. But by quickly skimming Out's homepage, you'll find one Joshua David Stein, a straight guy - married even! And then you'll reason that such questions don't really matter, because magazines are doomed and most people in that trade will become pretty outmoded after the digital transition finishes making mincemeat out of print, and (more terrifyingly, journalism). Which is to say, Queerty's "investigation" was total comment-hungry non-news. But you know what's non-non-news? The news briefs that make up the flimsy architecture of this week's Civilization Progress Report!

• TWIST! The true surprise ending of Christopher Nolan's Inception that it was able to catapult one of its thesps to just-above-C-list status after he came out. [Us Magazine]

• Scientific evidence shows that bans preventing gay couples from adopting kids is bogus. [NYT]

• Anne Rice took to Facebook to denounce her Christianity. Related: I recently took to Facebook to denounce my sanity. [BuzzFeed]

 

Facebook ad on our Facebook page either is not convincing or is amazingly convincing of Facebook's ability to deliver targeted advertising.

 

You'll need to click the pic to big it up, but apparently Facebook's advertising algorithm has determined that our readership is wanting "Ms. Santa" outfits.  In June.  To me, this is a fail, but maybe Facebook is smarter to me and you guys really want to dress up like Ho, Ho, Hos.