this is fyf

Civilization Progress Report: Men and women with pens will save the entire damn world

Heavens to Zeus! This week has been a delightful blur, hasn't it! Well, it has for me, because--and I feel that after so many weeks of heavy-lifting (what with all the rebuilding of civlization one brick at a time!), I've earned a couple shameless plugs!--I had a lovely little short story about volcanoes and love and death and bodily waste chucked online somewhere! And so in honor of this little feat--and the slightly larger feat of having a collection of my stories out next month--I'd like to dedicate today's report to the incredible men and women who are keeping culture from coming apart at the seams, by writing stories and sharing their art with the world. Because without words, we'd be nothing more than cave dwellers. We'd be nothing more than a pack of wildebeests closely resembling Ke$ha. And wouldn't that be a fright!

• Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist is getting the graphic novel treatment thanks to Derek Ruiz and Daniel Sempere. [GalleyCat]

• HOLY MACKEREL! Neil Gaiman doesn't know who sent him the Home Sushi Kit. [Neil Gaiman]

• In case it wasn't apparent enough by the sprawling, poorly-edited text of the last book, J.K. Rowling will not be writing another Harry Potter book. [The Guardian]

• READY FOR THE WEEKEND!There are a lot of literary events throughout New York City. Very few of them are worth going to. EARSHOT, a Brooklyn-based series curated by Nicole Steinberg, features Eric Nelson, Chris Tarry, and several others tonight. It is absolutely worth going to. [Facebook]

Civilization Progress Report: 'Glee' sucks and sometimes that is all the news that is fit to print!

Bring It On was a fine piece of cinema, wasn't it!

Apols for letting civilization collapse on itself last week, y'all. But y'know what? Sometimes you've gotta let your hair down! you've gotta throw caution to the wind! you've gotta shove some Doritos into your damn maw and pass out because you're too tired to cook a balanced dinner! But this week, it's back to business as usual. And what's the lay of the land this week? That Glee absolutely, positively sucks. Like, vacuum-cleaner sucks. Like, sucks worse than the sky when you've accidentally popped open the emergency doors while your plane's at a cruising altitude. It just sucks. (But that shouldn't really be news, should it!) Then there are other things! But here, follow the trail of breadcrumbs into the large gingerbread house and I promise I won't push you into the oven! (Someone else already did...)

• A man who, while being King of America, managed to drive an entire nation into the ground, has somehow released a book. Some people are doing strange things to the book for the sake of "political activism." [The Guardian]

• Glee sucks. [Queerty]

• UHH-MERICAN SPIRIT Several positively mad individuals have somehow taken offense to Google's Veterans' Day logo. [The AtlanticWire]

Civilization Progress Report: Imagine there's a world where Harry Potter could cast a Patronus to deflect the come-ons of a Bushwick creeper

The most important questions in life may never have answers. Questions like, "Did 30 Rock jump the shark last night by airing a live episode or did they jump the shark when Oprah turned up that one time?" and "How devastating is it that this week, Twitter turned the plight and (fortunate!) rescue of 33 Chilean miners into a spectator sport?" and "Would Harry Potter do shots with Voldemort if they crossed paths at Bushwick's Gotham City Lounge?" and "Why did Kylie Minogue's fan-fucking-tastic single "Get Outta My Way" not only miss the UK Top 10 in its first week, but tank 16 spots in its second, and then out of the Top 40 in its third?" Unlike someone who has whizzed away hundreds of thousands of dollars on a very-useful journalism degree at Columbia, I don't have the answers. So, instead, please help yourself to the following links. Wash down with seltzer water and don't forget to burp!

• What are the odds that if they forget their wands and spellbooks while wandering to a loft party off Bushwick Avenue, Harry Potter, Hermoine Granger, and Ron Weasley might get shived for looking like hipster scum? [BuzzFeed]

• Landfills will now be mined for fuel and recyclables. This makes Staten Island a veritable gold mine. [TreeHugger]

• Steve Jobs is giving all the rescued Chilean miners iPods. [Hollywood Reporter]

Civilization Progress Report: Hey, remember that time when America drank too much haterade?

"I hate the world today," opines duchess of late '90s alternative rock Meredith Brooks in her magnum opus, "Bitch." And after this week, I can't help but agree. And while you could argue, "Oh, Rohin, when don't you think that?" I counter that this week, especially, we saw human beings at their worst. But today is Friday and I can't very well let you loose to the weekend with horrible feelings. In that way, this week's CPR is like a black-and-white cookie: One part dark, one part light, and all parts delicious.

• Rest in peace, Tyler Clementi. [The Guardian]

• Don't fail us now, legal system. [New Jersey Star-Ledger]

• And finally, filling in the blanks of this tragedy. [NYT]

Civilization Progress Report: What we can learn from my fever dream where Steve Buscemi holds St. Marks Bookstore hostage at knifepoint

During every major seasonal shift in New York, fives of sixes city dwellers suffer from some strain of cold that is comparable to (and may even possibly be) dengue fever, swinefluenza, or any other pandemic that has, at one point in time, threatened to wipe out civilization (consequently jeopardizing the need for drawn out progress reports like these!) Why just this week, I paced around my apartment fighting off chilled sweats! Two nights ago, I fever-dreamt that acclaimed Ghost World/Boardwalk Empire actor Steve Buscemi was holding St. Marks Bookshop hostage at knifepoint, but that I managed to break away from the imminent hostage situation because I was so crafty. Only, I returned for no apparent reason and then found a three bedroom apartment nestled in the back of the bookstore, with someone emerging from it, unaware that Steve Buscemi had just abducted the entirety of the bookstore at knifepoint. I suppose what I'm trying to say, dear readers, is load up on Vitamin C and if you sneeze, do not sneeze on your friend's eye! I suppose another thing I'm trying to say is that this week, our society dreamt big, readers! But as usual, the fruits of their labors were ultimately no bigger than pine nuts.

• ELLEVATED CONSCIOUSNESS Have fans of Gabourey Sidibe taken a moment to stop crowing about the hundred odd things they dislike about the star's Elle cover to embrace the many things that they do like about it? [EW]

• Several Chinese villagers have thought of a winning survival tactic in the face of a wild boar overpopulation problem: Vuvuzelas and karaoke! [Treehugger]

• This week, Queerty devoted all of its journalistic resources to the pressing issue of big box retailer Target's exclusive record distribution contract with Taylor Swift. [Queerty]

Civilization Progress Report: British pop sensation Alexandra Burke gives us a reason to blithely ignore America's ideological breakdown

Well, darlings! The time is now. Grab the biggest butter-blasted bag of popcorn you can lay your grimy, terribly-manicured paws on and get a front-row seat to the implosion of American values somewhere in the Financial District. I actually spent the better part of last weekend stranded there for some reason or other and while the old chapels are lovely, and there is something good to be said about how there is a Starbucks every one-third of a block (I'm not sure what this "something good" is, but you are all so very imaginative, you can please fill in the blanks!).  The most useful thing about the Financial District is that if you stumble out to Wall Street, you can pet the bull. If not, you can always just have a sexy dance party. This week, the gasping, choking-for-air body of America presents a pretty compelling case to do either!

• Sarah Palin tweeted some malarky and maybe because (1) they have all forgotten how to be actual news oulets or (2) they're just extraordinarily lazy or (3) they're so hard-up for cash that they've outsourced entire political beats to interns from NYU, once-credible news outlets are still pretending that it's chic to cover Palinesque outbursts. [HuffPo, CNN, New York Daily News]

In case you were out of town, the SProcket party was photo-documented.  The not-on-a-beach, deep-in-the-heart-of-Bushwick crowd was a fun bunch, with lots of fun to be had.  There were about forty stories to be told, but the pictures will be all you get this time around (because some of the details are on the fuzzy side).

Civilization Progress Report: Can an adorable octopus save Detroit from its apparent morale problem?

 

There are some weeks that seem to burn both fast and slow simultaneously--and leave you winded regardless. These are weeks when you find yourself clocking five, maybe six hours sleep a night and you end up snapping at hapless landlords and brokers while looking for your ideal new apartment because they want you to pay too much for a place with a bathroom that doesn't even have a sink. And then you're all like, "Dude. I want a place where my mother can come and visit me," and then he's like, "But all the other apartments in this area are like this," and you tell yourself, "I bet Geri Halliwell doesn't have to deal with problems like this!" Which, then, is the best way to segue into the week's just-add-water buffet of banality...

• It's a dark day when MTV is applauded for its portrayal of gay and lesbian characters on television. [Mercury News]

• TOUGH QUESTIONS Which one is Adam Lambert and which one is the cross-dresser in this photograph? [Queerty]

• Also, Queerty: No one will be made more aware of discrimination by going to see Lady Gaga warble, "PA-PA-PA-PA-KUH-FEIS," while wearing odd-looking shoes. An attempt to drive her away from Arizona as part of a larger plan to cut off money to the state until they overturn their prejudicial laws by contrast? Uh, misguided...but more logical than the idea that "Poker Face" could overhaul hateful politics. [Queerty]

Civilization Progress Report: In anticipation of eating charred beast bits and setting off fireworks.

This weekend, America will return to its primal roots--that is, in a scene that evokes the mayhem of last year's maenadic True Blood tempests, we will all stick bits of dead animal flesh over an open flame and busy ourselves with palaver about how oh! my! goddess! this world is a wreck, but thank Lourdes Ciccone we have tasty porkchops to lull us into a red meat-induced coma and placate our BP-assisted anxieties for yet another day. Grease yourself up and squeeze into your star-spangled man-spanx--it's your 4th of July edition of CPR!

- So, there is this film franchise that features adolescents smizing and looking broody; they periodically open their mouths and words fall out. Almost as if by chance. The third installment of this franchise has so far raked in just under $70M since its opening Wednesday. [Wall Street Journal]

- "Frida Bistro" is the name of a Frida Kahlo-themed restaurant that, while serving Tex-Mex staples, is not at all Tex-Mex. In Utah. [The Salt Lake Tribune]

- Stepping away from food:  confusing, but topical contraception. [Citypages]

- Thank you for being a friend and recognizing us as whole citizens, Google! [AFP]

- So the downer in this article about how Liza Minnelli is now filming spots for the Home Shopping Network isn't how her showbiz prospects have tumbled the way her alter-ego does on Arrested Development when facing vertigo. Rather, it's how insipid and lazy the lead is: "We have seen the future of Lindsay Lohan, and it looks like this." Really, Salon scribe Mary Elizabeth Williams? You want to sign your name to that? Oh, well. [Salon]

- Wonder Woman gets a tame make-over.  [Ed. - It's infuriating!  Wonder Woman belongs in satin tights, fighting for our rights, and the old red, white and bluuuuuue.] [BuzzFeed]

- "The shoe is very important. I can't even fuck with you if your shoe game is slacking." - Solange Knowles [Refinery29]

- After being found not guilty the first time around for killing two men in cold blood in Bushwick because he thought they were gay, a remorseless jag has now been found guilty. [BushwickBK]

- You can now get gay-married in Iceland. Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir has. [AP]

- In an ongoing effort to protect viewers, YouTube has marked a twinky parody of Katy Perry's "California Girls" as "objectionable content" . [YouTube]

- But with all this talk of Independence Day and patriotic fervor, let's close out with a song from Welsh popstrel Marina & the Diamonds and her single, "Hollywood" which is about "American dreams" and how some people tend to mistake her for Shakira. [YouTube]

Mister Rohin Guha has written for Gawker, Blackbook, Paper, New York, and in many other locales. Once a week he'll be checking in on civilization and giving us a progress report.

Civilization Progress Report: The Coca-Cola Company misses out on obvious Pride cash-in

Hey New Yorkers, has this week seemed unseasonably chilly to anyone else? Also, does anyone else think paying $2 for a Diet Coke in Chinatown is too excessive, especially when you can get it for $1.50 out in Midtown or $1 out here in Bushwick? I know, I know! And the V train! They're killing it and replacing it with the M train and the M train isn't going to Chinatown any longer, but it is going to Midtown...so I suppose that solves my Diet Coke dilemma, doesn't it? 

Sorry for that extended monologue. On to your weekly compost bin of cultural dregs, then!

• One of the best lines of dialogue to come out of the Prop. 8 trial, which wrapped yesterday: "Do people get married to benefit the community? When one enters into a marriage, you don't say, 'Oh boy, I'm going to benefit society!" [Wall Street Journal]

• SOUTHERN COMFORT A softball team based in Memphis, TN has been banned from a church league because their coach is a lesbian. [USA Today]

• Oh and before we continue, please note that for a brief while, they were manufacturing a brand of Diet Coke that, at least aesthetically (pictured above), seems like it would've been an easy sell during Pride Weekends across the country.

This weekend...

Queens Pride is this weekend!

So...if you haven't been keeping up on Facebook/wherever...there's a (VIRULENT!) rumor that Ms. Minogue will make an appearance at the F Word's reactivation at Splash tonight. Personally? It all sounds too much like a PR wet dream, but I look forward to receiving first hand reports/twits/stat updates! Question though...why do these pop princesses ONLY show up at Splash?! Used to be the Roxy was the spot, now it's Splash?! What's the common element here, gayleuths? Give us the tea!

Pyromaniacs, hose lovers and hotties at Pyrophilia in deepest Greenpoint tonight. The venue is t.b.d Bar and sounds super cute! Part of an ongoing series from The Blood Dumpster. Sounds very Dexter!

Also in the wilds of Brooklyn (Deepest Bushwick to be exact), Mark Louque and Miss Pappas bring you XOO at Tandem Bar with special guest Michael Magnan. Crunchy, crusty fun!

On the opposite side of town and with (perhaps?) a little less edge/crunch, but as much soul/steeping (makes a good tea!), Snaxx at Westside Tavern (Back of the bar, down the stairs...DANCE!) is earthside on its bi-weekly transit.

Just up 8th Avenue, who knew Upright Citizens' Brigade was up so late!? Funny folkster Ben Lerman performs with t h i n s k i n j o n n y. Funny songs is what you'll hear. Funny ha ha. 11:30pm is showtime!

The weekend continues below...

Civilization Progress Report: Desperation is in the air.

Oh hey, friends. This week, as we dive deep into the FYF-dom for our weekly dose of CPR, we'll learn some valuable lessons about desperation: What a sinking newsmagazine might do when facing it and what a magnificent actress might do when they unexpectedly find themselves stranded on a TV show that smacks of it. Grab your oxygen tanks and jump in after the break.

Basic anatomy of a dance party is simple.

Last weekend served a great reminder:  All you need for a good dance party is good music.  The video above (caution:  iPhones don't record so well at a club and?  Loud.) sort of breaks it down for you.  Recorded at Mark Louque's XOO at Tandem Bar in Bushwick, it takes place in a not-cavernous back room.  Added to great effect are a couple of lasers and a disco ball.  Adding intensity were an overzealous fog machine and strobe light, creating the odd effect in the video.

Music, lights, camera, action.