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Civilization Progress Report: Buy your sweetie several hideous flowering trees this Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day, besides being the title of a deplorable film starring many people, some of whom will continue to have promising careers in the future and others who will fade into obscurity like that one wine stain on my favorite red shirt after I vigorously rubbed salt and tonic water into it, is not one of my favorite days in the year. It's the one day a year when I'm at my scroogiest. But this year, I'm willing to forgo all the bah-humbugs in the world if one of you mail orders me an enormously hideous-but-beautiful Adenium obesum--or, more commonly, a Desert Rose. But before you rush to your neighborhood botanist to inquire about the gift you'll be sending me, take a look at our civilization which is all about love! and mending things! and progress! Am I exercising selective memory by ignoring some tragedies? Probably! But if I'm to make it through this weekend in one piece, I may have to get a little Britney up in here. That said, onward with the week's minutiae!

• If you didn't find a soulmate in Park Slope last night, don't despair! You can always try again in a couple weeks. Although you probably won't enjoy the Valentine's Day spoils. [Effed in Park Slope]

• This is distressing. There are people out there who want to see Lady Gaga fail. They are mean people. [DigitalSpy]

• ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE: Just in time for a holiday weekend that is synonymous with her last name, Courtney Love has settled a long-standing $4,000 flower debt. [TMZ]

• Our commander-in-chief has decided that one of his goals is to make free wireless available to everyone across America. [The Detroit Free Press] [Ed. note - YAY!!!]

• FEROCITY: Joan Rivers presents a solid argument in favor of marriage equality.

More Rohin/CPR and Valentine's after the jump...

This weekend: 1. Stay Warm 2. See below (Pt. Deux)

They made a movie about me!

I am winging my way to less-enlightened warmer climes tomorrow to visit my parents but for those of you huddling together for warmth over this bitter cold weekend, I highly recommend (for smartphone owners)

1. Grindr
2. Jackd
3. Radar by Adam4Adam and
4. Manhunt (the App blows AND sucks - both in the bad way.).

Down in Alabama (my homestate), I plan to get to the bottom of this whole "brother and sister" thing, in particular as it relates to Alabama's sordid reputation for incest (obviously, I'll be doing more research into who is my "brother" than who's my "sister".). Wish me luck avoiding prison/a bashing/being lynched!

Tonight, however, there's a rare (the first in New York, actually!) opportunity to hear THE MAGICIAN (formerly of Aeroplane) spin at the FIXED party at PUBLIC ASSEMBLY. Tickets seem to be available only online. If you haven't gotten into his mixes, I highly recommend.

Also tonight, the CLUBBER DOWN DISCO kids celebrate passing their police, fire and buildings (maybe some other agency, too.) inspection last week with..MORE disco! Genius! (Basement of the CHELSEA HOTEL; LADYFAG, LADY TAI and JASON THE BLACK TEENWOLF host with RYAN SMITH at the door.)

Cross town, MICHAEL T.'s birthday extravaganzaS continue tonight at his residencey at WHITE NOISE (the old Hose) with guest DJ RICH KING (and others).

For those who prefer laughing to cutting a rug/fist-pumping, ELIOT GLAZER's hosting a viewing of OPRAH'S LEGENDS BALL: LIVE at UNION HALL. The footage is from 2005 when O invited nearly every female African-American celebrity to her Malibu home for a weekend retreat. The ensuing mayhem sounds rife for comedic interpretation. Also: Giveaways! Surprise guests! "Just like Oprah would!".

On the other hand, dance like no one's watching under the masterful musical programming of DJ STEVE TRAVOLTA at the THE 128 WEST HOUSTON EXPERIENCE at CAYENNE. Go on. DO it!

----

Tomorrow, there's SPANK Mag launches and FAMILY FUNCTIONS to attend, Geeks at auction, CHERYL for Londoners and TRIPPIN' ON THE MOON VI/6 where it's REAL old school. There's Daniel Naridicio's party for the young BUCK! and a new party from DJ Nita & Co. called BILLY CLUB?! Hit me with it! Me!!

----

Sunday, SNAXX: TEA IS THE TIME completes its transition from Friday night dance party to Sunday Tea Dance and relocates to the basement of the MONSTER, Bears snuggle (and provide their own warmth?) at ROCKBEAR BEER BLAST, the (real) kids carry on at GRIFFIN SUNDAYS and LADY BUNNY, ARI GOLD and FORMIKA join PEPPERMINT to take a (dim?) REAR VIEW of XES LOUNGE.

Everything's "spelled out" in the FYF Calendar, as ever. Hit it up for more events, too.

Be back Wednesday! Pray for me!

This Saturday, EUROCHERYL kicks off its world domination tour

CHERYL EUROPEAN TOUR 2011 from CHERYL on Vimeo.

...And you thought they were pussycats.

Actually they are and they're taking over Europe for the next two months. Here's the tea, straight from the pussy's mouth:

"Listen, 

Here's the 011-33-411 (We're calling you from our VODAFONES to tell you this)

This Saturday, we present EUROCHERYL, a celebration of life, death, spiky maroon hair and Armani Exchange. 

This is our last NYC CHERYL party until March!!! Help us kick off our European tour at the Bell House wiz ze forihn aksahnt. 

Come ready to give a class presentation on the European country you've chosen to reprezent. Join us for baguette jousting at midnight, grape crushing at 1:00. HIDE THE SCHNITZEL at 4:00am, and rip a trap door in my plastic capri pant ass at 5:00am. 

Need costume inspiration? Check out this photo of a doll dressed in the traditional dress of Portugal:

and RSVP to the muthfuckin Paarty ahora/maintenant/schNOW!

CORAZON,
CHERYL

--End transmission.

A Slice of The Apple (for our non-New York based readers)

Snowpaclypse. Brooklyn.

My train (the F) wasn't running last night so my commute - already unusual after having ridden in that morning on Amtrak from Hudson, NY - involved walking from Downtown Brooklyn (Jay Street - Metrotech station) home through the snow, bags from my weekend trip in tow. Cars and side streets sat abandoned, the streets impassable while snow plows lined lower Court Street, empty of drivers. The wind was FIERCE on Atlantic -- strong enough to move me sideways unless I leaned into it. The walk proved not as long, nor as treacherous as I might have anticipated, and, as I reached my end of Smith Street, I saw four plows heading down it in succession, albeit with plows up, not plowing.

What (else!) to do this weekend.

So...birthdays? Anniversaries?  Got those out of the way. Now...what else is happening this weekend?

Well, there's shows to be seen...

Ms. Justin Bond's show - Christmas Spells - (with the Pixie Harlots) is still on until the 18th (that's tomorrow, kids) at the Abrons Arts Center, so - if it's not already sold out - hit that up.

Then there's Nutcracker Rouge (whose flyer is pictured above) showing in my hood (or near), Carroll Gardens. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand...bejeweled hooker heels?

Sadly, I'm late and won't get this up in time to get you to Unitard which is showing for - one night only! - tonight. Mr. Albo, Mr. Ilku and Ms. Burns aren't just smart...they're funny! We omnitards love them!

There's also a musical about the plight (I'm assuming?) of the homeless that is playing at Teatro La Tea called "Is There Room In Your Heart?: A Musical About the Homeless" (See??) but I don't really know very much about it. The homeless aspect and outright plea to make "room in your heart" do (as I imagine they're designed to?) tug at my heart and then, on top of it...the fact it's showing at a theater called "La Tea" is reason enough for me to promote it. Go then! Go get the tea cuz you know I want it!

Also this weekend...parties!

(Cute pic of Willie Aames - meet him at Snaxx! - after the jump.)

This weekend: 1) Stay Warm 2) See below

Reindeer games, indeed!

Tonight, shop at Limelight with Next Magazine, bring a new toy for the toy drive at David Barton - Astor Place, check out Justin Bond and the Pixie Harlots in Christmas Spells at The Abrons Arts Center and then press to the function at The Chelsea Hotel...Clubber Down Disco, I mean. There's also the aforementioned grand opening of Uncut out in Queens (very Krash circa 2001?).

Tomorrow, don your best Santa suit and join the drunken hordes of Santacon. Make them all stop in at Art Jamboree #3 and buy stuff from your talented artist friends. Later, if you missed Justin and her harlots, they're on again tonight (and until the 18th, in fact! Don't sleep though...they may sell out - or be already!). Afterward, there's a swirl of parties to decide amongst...from Sugar Daddy (see Paul Short's promo photo above.) to Family Function; from Mister Saturday Night to Spank Actions 3-D: Spank's 3 year Anniversary, and from Cheryl: WYZZRD BLYZZRD to Miracle on 36th Street with Steve Travolta, Quentin Harris, Cevin Fisher and DJ MSG and the New York Cares Coat Drive. Choose wisely!

Specially for the hefty set, Bearracuda hits New York for the first time tonight, as well. Apparently, it's the next Blow-off? Better? Something.

Sunday, the Art Jamboree and Justin Bond continue, while Griffin Sundays and 718 Sessions help you keep your blood moving (unless you're too busy posing?).

And that, my friends, is what to do this - the first truly cold weekend of the winter.

For more, hit the FYF Calendar.

Just say "Ho Ho Ho", a drug-friendly guide to your New York holidays.

Note:  This post is part of NYC BLOGGERS DO THE HOLIDAYS, a compendium of holiday stuff for the city dweller:

• A Child Grows  Where to See Santa in New York City and Brooklyn
• Eater's Digest  10 "Warm-You-To-the Bone" Holiday Eats in NYC
• Give and Get NYC  Give and Get for the Holidays
• 'the improvised life'  Design (or Hack) Your Own Holiday E-Cards
• Manhattan User's Guide  The Gift Guide: 21 Over $21
• Markets of New York  Festive Food at New York's Holiday Markets
• Mommy Poppins  11 Experience Gifts for NYC Kids
• NY Barfly  Holiday Cocktails, And We Ain’t Talkin' Egg Nog
• offManhattan  The Anti-Holiday Travel Guide: 5 Quick Getaways from NYC
• the skint  11 free and cheap non-holiday things to do this holiday season
• Patell and Waterman's History of New York  Christmas with Andy Warhol
• Walking Off the Big Apple  A Mortal's Guide to the Angels of New York City
• We Heart Astoria  The Best Places To Shop Local - WHA Holiday Gift Guide

So, like, this past weekend on Thanksgiving night, it was just shy of four o'clock in the morning, and this compulsion to head home hit me.  On went the coat and hat and goodbyes given to the guys and ladies assembled in the lovely Chelsea home which served as the post-dinner meeting spot.  Stepping outside though, there was the invigoration of fresh air (and whatever), so a walk was taken.  Somehow my location shifted to Fifth Avenue, walking north in the Flatiron, and suddenly there they were, shoppers getting "special discounts" at Baby Gap at, like, four in the freaking morning.   A long pause later and my eyes perused the shoppers who, well, were just in a different state of mind than me.  A moment of consideration happened, but the store was not entered, because, yeah, these people and me didn't need to see each other.

Something about the holidays, brings drugs to the fore.  Maybe it's the festivity or the twinkling lights or the long nights or the bonus checks, but yeah, drugs are everywhere.  You can't just pair them randomly though.  Otherwise you'll be outside a Baby Gap feeling perky, yet horny, and that's creepy.  With that in mind, please consider the following pairings, all of which totally work!

Cocaine
All coked up and up late at night?  Head out to Astoria or Bay Ridge and take in all the twinkling lights of the lawn displays that fill the lawns of these neighborhoods.  They really go all out.  And you can go on Grindr or Scruff or Radar or whatever and make a new friend!

Anti-anxietals
Popping a Xannie and sitting on those red steps in Times Square is a great place to go to write out Christmas cards.  You get the energy from the tourists milling about, but you don't get annoyed with them!  Since cards tend to go out to your out of town people, they'll enjoy that you are in Times Square.  PROS ONLY:  Step up to a manly pill and pop an aprolazam and go to Queens Mall or Paramus orWoodbury Commons and just sort of mill around, picking up holiday merchandise and considering it briefly before dropping it to the floor.  Bonus round?  Say hello to the elderly!

Marijuana
Spark up a holiday bud and head uptown a little to the Origami Christmas Tree at AMNH and then visit the planetarium or wander the exhibits.  Go even further uptown and go full on boho, making candles of your own design at the Dyckman Farmhouse!  From there a holiday visit to the ever-cruisy Cloisters and Fort Tryon Park.

Liquor
The holidays can't be fully self-indulgent, so dig into your closet or buy new a coat for the city's GLBT homeless youth.  (Seriously, the city just slashed their funding.)  Anyway, bring that coat to Excelsior in Brooklyn this Saturday for the annual LGBTQI Homeless Youth Coat and Clothing Drive.  Get nice and toasty drunk and then gather your funnest buds and sing out carols in Park Slope.  (The event ends early and those Slopers will be charmed.)

Ecstacy
Party like it's 1999 and take a hit of ecstacy.  When you're starting to roll head out and give a visit to Santa Claus.  No, not the commercial version at Macy's or Bloomingdales or ABC Carpet and Home.  Go to the REAL Santa in Central Park's Belvedere Castle.  Just don't ask him to suck your finger.  You can head down to the Ramble for an afterparty.

Psychedelics I
Mushrooms, hooray!  Don't go overboard and you can enjoy a hilarious trip to F.A.O. Schwartz.  Follow it up with a trip to view Simon Doonan's latest window creations at Barneys.  (This year's theme is food?!) Then giggle your way up Madison stopping by Hermes, Ralph Lauren and oddly-named shops that only trophy wives know, arriving at the Met where you can buy all your friendsBaldessari-themed gifts, like the "Wrong!" eraser!

Psychedelics II
Again, moderation is key here, so like, just one hit of acid, and then go to the best windows in the city at Bergdorf Goodman.  Then decide you are on a secret mission and go stealthily down to the Lord & Taylor (which are possibly better than Bergdorf's while tripping).  Finally, PULL IT TOGETHER and go full force to Bryant Park for ice skating (yes, really) at "CitiPond" (being sure to wonder aloud why Citibank is doing this and not protecting your money).  Then put on your own Skating with the Stars performance of Swan Lake.

 

Civilization Progress Report: Men and women with pens will save the entire damn world

Heavens to Zeus! This week has been a delightful blur, hasn't it! Well, it has for me, because--and I feel that after so many weeks of heavy-lifting (what with all the rebuilding of civlization one brick at a time!), I've earned a couple shameless plugs!--I had a lovely little short story about volcanoes and love and death and bodily waste chucked online somewhere! And so in honor of this little feat--and the slightly larger feat of having a collection of my stories out next month--I'd like to dedicate today's report to the incredible men and women who are keeping culture from coming apart at the seams, by writing stories and sharing their art with the world. Because without words, we'd be nothing more than cave dwellers. We'd be nothing more than a pack of wildebeests closely resembling Ke$ha. And wouldn't that be a fright!

• Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist is getting the graphic novel treatment thanks to Derek Ruiz and Daniel Sempere. [GalleyCat]

• HOLY MACKEREL! Neil Gaiman doesn't know who sent him the Home Sushi Kit. [Neil Gaiman]

• In case it wasn't apparent enough by the sprawling, poorly-edited text of the last book, J.K. Rowling will not be writing another Harry Potter book. [The Guardian]

• READY FOR THE WEEKEND!There are a lot of literary events throughout New York City. Very few of them are worth going to. EARSHOT, a Brooklyn-based series curated by Nicole Steinberg, features Eric Nelson, Chris Tarry, and several others tonight. It is absolutely worth going to. [Facebook]

Comic book boys gather in Brooklyn tonight and all weekend long.

There's something hot about the comic book boys, isn't there?*  It's in that mix of art appreciation and hope for a better tomorrow and just the general concept of running around in one's underpants to save the planet.  This weekend starts early for King Con, a Brooklyn "alternative" comics convention that will bring together these sexy miscreants as they start aspects of their event at the Brooklyn Lyceum.  Might be worth taking a look!

*Disclaimer:  There are Wonder Woman and Lois Lane comics hanging on my walls at home.

What are you doing for Hallowe'en?

Yes. That IS a Labryinth t-shirt!

What are you going to be (I still haven't a clue, but it's not likely to be either Luke Perry or David Bowie in Labyrinth.)?

Ancient Celts believed the membrane separating this world and the underworld, or afterlife, became thin and was breached by various spirits on All Hallow's Eve (they traditionally called it Samhain, I believe?). See, Samhain is believed to have marked summer's end (the word derives from the phrase for that in Old Irish, supposedly.), and the border between the "light" part of the year and the "dark" part may have seemed related to a thinning of this barrier between worlds.  The spirits who came through could be harmless, but were also potentially harmful. Costumes were worn both as a means to confuse the harmful spirits and - by young men - to symbolize the spirits of family who had crossed over, that viewers might remember those who had passed and respect their memory.

So...what are you going to wear?

Regardless, here's what you might want to do:

FRIDAY (Tonight):

Ladyfag's new Clubber Down Disco returns for its second night with Honey Dijon DJing and Tai Chi, One-Half Nelson and Casey Spooner hosting. Ryan Smith at the door, whore! Word to the wise? Arrive on the early side. There's more than one reward (i.e. - entrance) awaiting you if you do.

Similarly, Mr. Rich King and Mr. Gustavo Motta offer incentive to arrive to their Snaxx shindig early. They'll be wigging out (as you should be!) but the beer will be free (from 10pm - 11pm)! Also popcorn, peanuts and a surprise!

Uptown at mine and Tai's (well, EVERYone's) old haunt - Rebel - Peter Rauhofer and the WORK! crew (DJs Corey Craig & Nita Aviance spin upstairs and Ms. Roze BLACK is BACK hosting the party!) throw a night of Hallo-weenie craziness.

Bana is back, but they've been kicked out of their Downtown Fulton Street baths location at the last minute so are moving the VIP portion of the party out to Brooklyn to the site of the original banya party several years ago that kicked the whole shebang off. The baths there are SITTing, is all I'll say. Oh and transportation is provided (via go-go equipped...or equipped go-go? party bus.) from 15th and 8th Avenue (in front of Starbucks) three times: 11pm, 12am, and 1am with two return trips at 3am and 4am. I think you may have to already have a ticket to ride the bus, so hit up the website for full information and the ticket purchase link.

There's (what seems like) a thousand other options, as well. Find the FYF Calendar for those.

Civilization Progress Report: Don't pluck the forbidden rose! & other morality tales

Hello, world! How is everyone? Hello? Is this thing on? No? HOW' S THAT THEN? TOO LOUD? (Okay, Rod, I'll stop.) Anyway follow me down into this week's rabbit hole of kaleidoscopic queerent events! And what a kaleidoscopic week it was. 'Twas the week when we learned that should we wear a color popularized by such foods as aubergines and plums, we could cancel out the altogether-ooky feelings that the Dementors of our youth wrought on us. It was also the week when our fearless leader made us groan again and so...we sought reprieve in foreign rip-offs of animated Disney classics dating back to last century. Grab your CPR dummies and let's get crackin'!

• THE SEX TRADE The domain Sex.com has sold for $13 million. [BBC]

• The Obama Administration has decided a good thing to do would be to block the repeal of DADT. [HuffPo]

• Or not! DADT confusion mounts! [NYT]

Civilization Progress Report: Imagine there's a world where Harry Potter could cast a Patronus to deflect the come-ons of a Bushwick creeper

The most important questions in life may never have answers. Questions like, "Did 30 Rock jump the shark last night by airing a live episode or did they jump the shark when Oprah turned up that one time?" and "How devastating is it that this week, Twitter turned the plight and (fortunate!) rescue of 33 Chilean miners into a spectator sport?" and "Would Harry Potter do shots with Voldemort if they crossed paths at Bushwick's Gotham City Lounge?" and "Why did Kylie Minogue's fan-fucking-tastic single "Get Outta My Way" not only miss the UK Top 10 in its first week, but tank 16 spots in its second, and then out of the Top 40 in its third?" Unlike someone who has whizzed away hundreds of thousands of dollars on a very-useful journalism degree at Columbia, I don't have the answers. So, instead, please help yourself to the following links. Wash down with seltzer water and don't forget to burp!

• What are the odds that if they forget their wands and spellbooks while wandering to a loft party off Bushwick Avenue, Harry Potter, Hermoine Granger, and Ron Weasley might get shived for looking like hipster scum? [BuzzFeed]

• Landfills will now be mined for fuel and recyclables. This makes Staten Island a veritable gold mine. [TreeHugger]

• Steve Jobs is giving all the rescued Chilean miners iPods. [Hollywood Reporter]

Civilization Progress Report: Hey, remember that time when America drank too much haterade?

"I hate the world today," opines duchess of late '90s alternative rock Meredith Brooks in her magnum opus, "Bitch." And after this week, I can't help but agree. And while you could argue, "Oh, Rohin, when don't you think that?" I counter that this week, especially, we saw human beings at their worst. But today is Friday and I can't very well let you loose to the weekend with horrible feelings. In that way, this week's CPR is like a black-and-white cookie: One part dark, one part light, and all parts delicious.

• Rest in peace, Tyler Clementi. [The Guardian]

• Don't fail us now, legal system. [New Jersey Star-Ledger]

• And finally, filling in the blanks of this tragedy. [NYT]

Don't forget, check the FYF Calender for what's on for the weekend.

Click the pic here, or click the "Calendar" at the top of the page for the FYF Calendar and everything that's going on nightlife-wise and many other kinds-of-wise around the City this weekend. Most are things we'd go to (or are going), but not all are "gay"...aside from our presence there. Some are fairly conventional bar nights in Hell's Kitchen or Chelsea or elsewhere for drinking a cocktail or two, cruising the dance floor or bathroom and hopefully hooking it up that night with someone you'll then make your husband, while others are bit more free-spirited, unconventional or unique or maybe not so oriented around alcohol or music or dick. It all just depends on what you're feeling for.

Tomorrow, for example, I'll be co-hosting with my partner-in-crime, Tai Chi, at Sprocket 2 - a "happening" as much as it is a party - presented and DJed by the SPANK boys (DJ Will and Sean B.) and the Rocket crew (Ryan Smith and Ron Like Hell) in a warehouse space (read: endless possibilities?) out in Brooklyn. It runs from 2pm - 10pm and there's a BBQ element to it, an outdoor dance floor as well as an indoor one, a giant art installation by Deputy and a dance performance by Backspace.  There will definitely be cute boys in attendance, but - in addition - there'll likely be some cute girls. Maybe some fugly boys...some smelly ones I'm almost certain; dark ones, light ones; hung ones, sly ones; skinny ones, bear-y ones...in other words, a true mix. Got it? RSVP to spankparty@gmail.com to get the address and - regardless of where you end up or what you do - have a great weekend!

Civilization Progress Report: What we can learn from my fever dream where Steve Buscemi holds St. Marks Bookstore hostage at knifepoint

During every major seasonal shift in New York, fives of sixes city dwellers suffer from some strain of cold that is comparable to (and may even possibly be) dengue fever, swinefluenza, or any other pandemic that has, at one point in time, threatened to wipe out civilization (consequently jeopardizing the need for drawn out progress reports like these!) Why just this week, I paced around my apartment fighting off chilled sweats! Two nights ago, I fever-dreamt that acclaimed Ghost World/Boardwalk Empire actor Steve Buscemi was holding St. Marks Bookshop hostage at knifepoint, but that I managed to break away from the imminent hostage situation because I was so crafty. Only, I returned for no apparent reason and then found a three bedroom apartment nestled in the back of the bookstore, with someone emerging from it, unaware that Steve Buscemi had just abducted the entirety of the bookstore at knifepoint. I suppose what I'm trying to say, dear readers, is load up on Vitamin C and if you sneeze, do not sneeze on your friend's eye! I suppose another thing I'm trying to say is that this week, our society dreamt big, readers! But as usual, the fruits of their labors were ultimately no bigger than pine nuts.

• ELLEVATED CONSCIOUSNESS Have fans of Gabourey Sidibe taken a moment to stop crowing about the hundred odd things they dislike about the star's Elle cover to embrace the many things that they do like about it? [EW]

• Several Chinese villagers have thought of a winning survival tactic in the face of a wild boar overpopulation problem: Vuvuzelas and karaoke! [Treehugger]

• This week, Queerty devoted all of its journalistic resources to the pressing issue of big box retailer Target's exclusive record distribution contract with Taylor Swift. [Queerty]

Madonna is filming her second directorial effort in Brooklyn currently.  As is common when filming on the street, production assistants are stationed so as to shepherd passerby away from the shot.  One irascible (?) and self-congratulatory local wasn't having it, however, and, proceeding on his regular path (through the shot), presented Madonna with "a hearty fuck you".

Random and unrelated question (from Duane): Are Judy Tenuta and Madonna related? (Thanks, Tai!)

New York tornadoes pinpoint gay areas of Queens and Brooklyn to the delight of Pat Robertson, Ruben Diaz, and other wackadoos.

Call your favorite evangelical tea party cray-cray!  The (possible) tornado that sashayed its way through Queens last night knocked down trees in Jackson Heights where part of the gay pride festivities take place.  (Note the purple line remaining from this year's Queens Pride in the photo above.)  Also affected was Park Slope in Brooklyn, where every Lily has two mommies and gay/dyke bars line the streets.  (Anyone know if Excelsior made it through unscathed?)

Obviously, this is Goddess throwing shade down on the faggotry, and you know they love blaming bad weather on the gays.  So give 'em a call and make their day!  

Civilization Progress Report: There's a new meat market in Williamsburg and it isn't Sugarland.

So. Some years ago, Welsh rock band Catatonia had a rad song called, "Stone By Stone," and the refrain went something like this: On common ground, we'll build our castle walls / We'll build them stone by stone and how / With more and more, you know it won't take long / Where it burned orange, let it burn gold. And today, we (I?) would do well to take a break from our (once again, my?) usual doomcasting to frame this past week's goings-on in a way that makes us think that this world of ours isn't going to cave in on itself!

• First things first, friends! Kylie Minogue demonstrated spirited heroics by giving American television something it hasn't had in a while: Pop music that makes you feel all ooey, gooey, and great inside. [YouTube]

Civilization Progress Report: British pop sensation Alexandra Burke gives us a reason to blithely ignore America's ideological breakdown

Well, darlings! The time is now. Grab the biggest butter-blasted bag of popcorn you can lay your grimy, terribly-manicured paws on and get a front-row seat to the implosion of American values somewhere in the Financial District. I actually spent the better part of last weekend stranded there for some reason or other and while the old chapels are lovely, and there is something good to be said about how there is a Starbucks every one-third of a block (I'm not sure what this "something good" is, but you are all so very imaginative, you can please fill in the blanks!).  The most useful thing about the Financial District is that if you stumble out to Wall Street, you can pet the bull. If not, you can always just have a sexy dance party. This week, the gasping, choking-for-air body of America presents a pretty compelling case to do either!

• Sarah Palin tweeted some malarky and maybe because (1) they have all forgotten how to be actual news oulets or (2) they're just extraordinarily lazy or (3) they're so hard-up for cash that they've outsourced entire political beats to interns from NYU, once-credible news outlets are still pretending that it's chic to cover Palinesque outbursts. [HuffPo, CNN, New York Daily News]

Tonight - B-52's and Belinda Carlisle live in Coney Island (and free)

Conspiracy?  Two acts which remind me of acid in the eighties are meeting up tonight to see if they can force a flashback out of my skull.  (And if you've never seen "Heaven on Earth" with your Pakastani dorm-mate with the colors reset on your telee, then you're the one that has missed out friend.  To this day I cannot watch that video without feeling the hand of God (GOD!) push me to the ground!)

Anyway, while the previous may or may not be true, it is true that bands will be at the Asser-Levy Seaside Park in Coney Island tonight starting at 8.  Previous memory tells me that it gets confusing getting there via subway.  (It's the D, F, N or Q to Stillwell Ave. Station, but seriously hopstop it, because choosing the right train can totally affect your experience!)  A couple of videos after the jump ....