this is fyf

Civilization Progress Report: Happy Ho-lidays!

'Tis the time of year when we get emotional and gassy. We're emotional because we think about the loved ones we defriended over the past twelve months because, frankly, they were jerks and New Yorkers, as a rule, can tolerate only a finite number of fairweather friends. We're gassy because the best presents are edible, have high caloric content and may tend to make us toot well into next Tuesday. But you already broke up with your boyfriend and were planning on spending the holidays with your parents, right? Right. So that shouldn't be an issue! Also, speaking of emotional and gassy, have any of you heard that incredible new Mariah Carey song where she's all like, "I promise that I won't forget the milk and cookies!" ? Isn't it amazing? Before I tell you about the million and one ways our civilization will crumble, let's take another look at Mariah's "Oh Santa!":

Marvelous, right? Good. Because sometime in the near future, the FCC may make it so seeing content like that and anything else on YouTube will be locked up behind a paywall or some other ridiculous additional surcharge. And speaking of bleeding Americans dry, nearly 100 U.S. cities are set to declare bankruptcy next year, too! It should be interesting to see what our Commander-in-Chief does to remedy these tragedies. In another case, his administration has finally undone eras of discrimination in the military with the DADT repeal, but on the other hand, Obamacare is getting flipped the bird--perhaps with good reason? Some are also getting ahead of themselves and wondering if this means a DOMA repeal is on the horizon. Oh and there's also the matter of all those tax cuts, which make our economy look something like a series of sloppily tacked-together paper dolls; Peter Feld broke it down very sensibly.

Meanwhile, if you have just come in first-place in a widely-popular singing competition under the tutelage of Kylie Minogue's younger sister and scored a #1 single because of it, don't be a prat and say things like how Miley Cyrus is a load of rubbish and you are a true artiste. Which segues perfectly into another system that doesn't work! Turns out Skype also broke this week. Which is all to say: Technology truly is the final frontier.

Rohin Guha is a Pushcart Prize-nominated fiction writer whose first collection of short stories, Relief Work is currently available for purchase.

Civilization Progress Report: 'Glee' sucks and sometimes that is all the news that is fit to print!

Bring It On was a fine piece of cinema, wasn't it!

Apols for letting civilization collapse on itself last week, y'all. But y'know what? Sometimes you've gotta let your hair down! you've gotta throw caution to the wind! you've gotta shove some Doritos into your damn maw and pass out because you're too tired to cook a balanced dinner! But this week, it's back to business as usual. And what's the lay of the land this week? That Glee absolutely, positively sucks. Like, vacuum-cleaner sucks. Like, sucks worse than the sky when you've accidentally popped open the emergency doors while your plane's at a cruising altitude. It just sucks. (But that shouldn't really be news, should it!) Then there are other things! But here, follow the trail of breadcrumbs into the large gingerbread house and I promise I won't push you into the oven! (Someone else already did...)

• A man who, while being King of America, managed to drive an entire nation into the ground, has somehow released a book. Some people are doing strange things to the book for the sake of "political activism." [The Guardian]

• Glee sucks. [Queerty]

• UHH-MERICAN SPIRIT Several positively mad individuals have somehow taken offense to Google's Veterans' Day logo. [The AtlanticWire]

On the one hand, EWWW! (Did he really just pick a giant scab on his chest with tweezers?)

On the other? Amazing production values, BBC3!?!?

Wow. The medium really IS the message?

Civilization Progress Report: The Ladies We Love Edition

Much of my extended family--relatives who are so distant that they believe that a trip down the aisle via Shaadi.com still remains a strong possibility in my future--use bizarre terms like "ladies' man" and "casanova" when I explain to them who my friends are these days, as it sounds like I'm reading off a laundry list of lady-loves. And sadly! mine is a culture where two members of the opposite sex can't seemingly just pass around a bottle of wine and wail along to Tori Amos' "Leather" without inviting implications of matrimony and suburban dreamscapes. But this week, I thought I would take a break from the usual bit of rubble-sweeping and doom-predicting and celebrate some lovely things that lovely ladies are doing that make this world a much better place for the rest of us to exist in!

• Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says China is not the enemy. She may have a point because it's not as if they've blocked their citizens off from playing Farmville entirely...they've just branded it differently. [NYT]

• And here is her "It Gets Better" contribution. [Feministing]

• Meanwhile, now that Padma Lakshmi has popped out a sprog, she likes to keep fit by running up 70 flights of stairs. [New York Daily News]

• SHE CAME TO HAVE A PARTY, BUT DO NOT OPEN UP THE BACARDI! Not to be outdone, Mariah Carey has taken to rooftops to announce that soon, she will also be popping out a sprog. [Daily Mail]

Civilization Progress Report: Don't pluck the forbidden rose! & other morality tales

Hello, world! How is everyone? Hello? Is this thing on? No? HOW' S THAT THEN? TOO LOUD? (Okay, Rod, I'll stop.) Anyway follow me down into this week's rabbit hole of kaleidoscopic queerent events! And what a kaleidoscopic week it was. 'Twas the week when we learned that should we wear a color popularized by such foods as aubergines and plums, we could cancel out the altogether-ooky feelings that the Dementors of our youth wrought on us. It was also the week when our fearless leader made us groan again and so...we sought reprieve in foreign rip-offs of animated Disney classics dating back to last century. Grab your CPR dummies and let's get crackin'!

• THE SEX TRADE The domain Sex.com has sold for $13 million. [BBC]

• The Obama Administration has decided a good thing to do would be to block the repeal of DADT. [HuffPo]

• Or not! DADT confusion mounts! [NYT]

Civilization Progress Report: Imagine there's a world where Harry Potter could cast a Patronus to deflect the come-ons of a Bushwick creeper

The most important questions in life may never have answers. Questions like, "Did 30 Rock jump the shark last night by airing a live episode or did they jump the shark when Oprah turned up that one time?" and "How devastating is it that this week, Twitter turned the plight and (fortunate!) rescue of 33 Chilean miners into a spectator sport?" and "Would Harry Potter do shots with Voldemort if they crossed paths at Bushwick's Gotham City Lounge?" and "Why did Kylie Minogue's fan-fucking-tastic single "Get Outta My Way" not only miss the UK Top 10 in its first week, but tank 16 spots in its second, and then out of the Top 40 in its third?" Unlike someone who has whizzed away hundreds of thousands of dollars on a very-useful journalism degree at Columbia, I don't have the answers. So, instead, please help yourself to the following links. Wash down with seltzer water and don't forget to burp!

• What are the odds that if they forget their wands and spellbooks while wandering to a loft party off Bushwick Avenue, Harry Potter, Hermoine Granger, and Ron Weasley might get shived for looking like hipster scum? [BuzzFeed]

• Landfills will now be mined for fuel and recyclables. This makes Staten Island a veritable gold mine. [TreeHugger]

• Steve Jobs is giving all the rescued Chilean miners iPods. [Hollywood Reporter]

Civilization Progress Report: Morbidly obese MTA asks us to tighten our belts some more, orders extra buffalo wings

Hello! It's Friday! And do you smell that! It's the sweat, grime, gasoline, and left-over hamburger chunks of a week, and a world that plans to put you through the grinder again come next Monday! But kick off your orthopedic sneakers and peel off your hole-riddled socks. It's the weekend--but not before peeking into what's making everyone else's lives much worse than yours this week. Yes, it's CPR time and we're all barely floating anymore! Wheeee!

• At times, I am grateful I am no longer at the mercy of a withered media outlet for my living--late paychecks and lack of professionalism notwithstanding, I'd mostly be concerned about developing Toasted Skin Syndrome from having to work on a laptop at all hours of the day--and not having the health insurance to seek out proper treatment. [The Atlantic]

• But then again, no longer being the mercy of said withered media outlet also means missing out on the small joys of life, like speculating in print who might have been John Lennon's alleged boyfriend. [MSNBC]

Civilization Progress Report: Hey, remember that time when America drank too much haterade?

"I hate the world today," opines duchess of late '90s alternative rock Meredith Brooks in her magnum opus, "Bitch." And after this week, I can't help but agree. And while you could argue, "Oh, Rohin, when don't you think that?" I counter that this week, especially, we saw human beings at their worst. But today is Friday and I can't very well let you loose to the weekend with horrible feelings. In that way, this week's CPR is like a black-and-white cookie: One part dark, one part light, and all parts delicious.

• Rest in peace, Tyler Clementi. [The Guardian]

• Don't fail us now, legal system. [New Jersey Star-Ledger]

• And finally, filling in the blanks of this tragedy. [NYT]

Civilization Progress Report: The week Lady Gaga tried to save Princess Zelda, but John McCain cackled and kidnapped her

Last weekend, I decided it would be a good idea to ignore the sunshine and stay indoors and play video games for about seven hours, so I rigged up an emulator on my MacBook and played this old gem and this one, too. And then when my eyes started bleeding and I decided a better idea would be to get up and pour myself a cup of lukewarm coffee. Then I took a couple minutes out to stare at the wall and idly wonder about how the human condition could be well summed up by a litany of RPG tropes: If an angry jerk stands in your way, give him some KFC and he will let you pass, if an oversized metal cat threatens you, shoot him with your crossbow, and so forth. But what do you do if your biggest hero, who has spent the last couple years leveling up, fails to vanquish the evil overlord bent on perpetuating a meaningless agenda and rescue Princess Zelda (i.e. America)? Put "Alejandro" on repeat and dive right in for your weekly edition of CPR, naturally.

• "Today was an enormous DISAPPOINTMENT, for myself, and for many young American people." - Lady Gaga on the decision to block the DADT repeal. [Official Site]

Civilization Progress Report: What we can learn from my fever dream where Steve Buscemi holds St. Marks Bookstore hostage at knifepoint

During every major seasonal shift in New York, fives of sixes city dwellers suffer from some strain of cold that is comparable to (and may even possibly be) dengue fever, swinefluenza, or any other pandemic that has, at one point in time, threatened to wipe out civilization (consequently jeopardizing the need for drawn out progress reports like these!) Why just this week, I paced around my apartment fighting off chilled sweats! Two nights ago, I fever-dreamt that acclaimed Ghost World/Boardwalk Empire actor Steve Buscemi was holding St. Marks Bookshop hostage at knifepoint, but that I managed to break away from the imminent hostage situation because I was so crafty. Only, I returned for no apparent reason and then found a three bedroom apartment nestled in the back of the bookstore, with someone emerging from it, unaware that Steve Buscemi had just abducted the entirety of the bookstore at knifepoint. I suppose what I'm trying to say, dear readers, is load up on Vitamin C and if you sneeze, do not sneeze on your friend's eye! I suppose another thing I'm trying to say is that this week, our society dreamt big, readers! But as usual, the fruits of their labors were ultimately no bigger than pine nuts.

• ELLEVATED CONSCIOUSNESS Have fans of Gabourey Sidibe taken a moment to stop crowing about the hundred odd things they dislike about the star's Elle cover to embrace the many things that they do like about it? [EW]

• Several Chinese villagers have thought of a winning survival tactic in the face of a wild boar overpopulation problem: Vuvuzelas and karaoke! [Treehugger]

• This week, Queerty devoted all of its journalistic resources to the pressing issue of big box retailer Target's exclusive record distribution contract with Taylor Swift. [Queerty]

Ben Cohen will give us his jock strap

And by us I mean gays.

British rugby heartthrob, Ben Cohen is supporting - both figuratively and literally - Gay Men's Health Charity's (Acronymed GMFA in accordance with their original name, Gay Men Fighting AIDS) Gay Sports Day by donating a signed jock strap and t-shirt (no word yet on whether the jock is one he's worn.)  for auction. Gay Sports Day is held in Vauxhall behind the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.

Hat tip: Foxy via

Civilization Progress Report: There's a new meat market in Williamsburg and it isn't Sugarland.

So. Some years ago, Welsh rock band Catatonia had a rad song called, "Stone By Stone," and the refrain went something like this: On common ground, we'll build our castle walls / We'll build them stone by stone and how / With more and more, you know it won't take long / Where it burned orange, let it burn gold. And today, we (I?) would do well to take a break from our (once again, my?) usual doomcasting to frame this past week's goings-on in a way that makes us think that this world of ours isn't going to cave in on itself!

• First things first, friends! Kylie Minogue demonstrated spirited heroics by giving American television something it hasn't had in a while: Pop music that makes you feel all ooey, gooey, and great inside. [YouTube]

Civilization Progress Report: Can an adorable octopus save Detroit from its apparent morale problem?

 

There are some weeks that seem to burn both fast and slow simultaneously--and leave you winded regardless. These are weeks when you find yourself clocking five, maybe six hours sleep a night and you end up snapping at hapless landlords and brokers while looking for your ideal new apartment because they want you to pay too much for a place with a bathroom that doesn't even have a sink. And then you're all like, "Dude. I want a place where my mother can come and visit me," and then he's like, "But all the other apartments in this area are like this," and you tell yourself, "I bet Geri Halliwell doesn't have to deal with problems like this!" Which, then, is the best way to segue into the week's just-add-water buffet of banality...

• It's a dark day when MTV is applauded for its portrayal of gay and lesbian characters on television. [Mercury News]

• TOUGH QUESTIONS Which one is Adam Lambert and which one is the cross-dresser in this photograph? [Queerty]

• Also, Queerty: No one will be made more aware of discrimination by going to see Lady Gaga warble, "PA-PA-PA-PA-KUH-FEIS," while wearing odd-looking shoes. An attempt to drive her away from Arizona as part of a larger plan to cut off money to the state until they overturn their prejudicial laws by contrast? Uh, misguided...but more logical than the idea that "Poker Face" could overhaul hateful politics. [Queerty]

Civilization Progress Report: The week the entire world got so boring that someone felt like painting some 'Mega Man' art onto an 8-bit NES

This week was a Lazy Susan of tepid, crumbly news chunklets that, when collected together, barely resembled a well-balanced diet of progress. Then again, this is pretty standard for all of us, isn't it! And ultimately, it fills us way the way wretched Chinese food is meant to. So, eat up!

- BP has plugged the oil leak for the first time in April. Their reward? Surging stock prices. Also, that plug is a temporary fix. [The Guardian]

- You guys! That's not a UFO in China. It's just fading pop star Coco Lee's career crash-landing on the horizon! [BuzzFeed]

- The city of Milwaukee had to shore up $20,000 to the Milwaukee Gay Arts Center after city police shut down a local production of Naked Boys Singing! and violated free speech. [Playbill]

The rest of your one-step-forward-two-steps-back CPR, after the break!

Civilization Progress Report: In anticipation of eating charred beast bits and setting off fireworks.

This weekend, America will return to its primal roots--that is, in a scene that evokes the mayhem of last year's maenadic True Blood tempests, we will all stick bits of dead animal flesh over an open flame and busy ourselves with palaver about how oh! my! goddess! this world is a wreck, but thank Lourdes Ciccone we have tasty porkchops to lull us into a red meat-induced coma and placate our BP-assisted anxieties for yet another day. Grease yourself up and squeeze into your star-spangled man-spanx--it's your 4th of July edition of CPR!

- So, there is this film franchise that features adolescents smizing and looking broody; they periodically open their mouths and words fall out. Almost as if by chance. The third installment of this franchise has so far raked in just under $70M since its opening Wednesday. [Wall Street Journal]

- "Frida Bistro" is the name of a Frida Kahlo-themed restaurant that, while serving Tex-Mex staples, is not at all Tex-Mex. In Utah. [The Salt Lake Tribune]

- Stepping away from food:  confusing, but topical contraception. [Citypages]

- Thank you for being a friend and recognizing us as whole citizens, Google! [AFP]

- So the downer in this article about how Liza Minnelli is now filming spots for the Home Shopping Network isn't how her showbiz prospects have tumbled the way her alter-ego does on Arrested Development when facing vertigo. Rather, it's how insipid and lazy the lead is: "We have seen the future of Lindsay Lohan, and it looks like this." Really, Salon scribe Mary Elizabeth Williams? You want to sign your name to that? Oh, well. [Salon]

- Wonder Woman gets a tame make-over.  [Ed. - It's infuriating!  Wonder Woman belongs in satin tights, fighting for our rights, and the old red, white and bluuuuuue.] [BuzzFeed]

- "The shoe is very important. I can't even fuck with you if your shoe game is slacking." - Solange Knowles [Refinery29]

- After being found not guilty the first time around for killing two men in cold blood in Bushwick because he thought they were gay, a remorseless jag has now been found guilty. [BushwickBK]

- You can now get gay-married in Iceland. Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir has. [AP]

- In an ongoing effort to protect viewers, YouTube has marked a twinky parody of Katy Perry's "California Girls" as "objectionable content" . [YouTube]

- But with all this talk of Independence Day and patriotic fervor, let's close out with a song from Welsh popstrel Marina & the Diamonds and her single, "Hollywood" which is about "American dreams" and how some people tend to mistake her for Shakira. [YouTube]

Mister Rohin Guha has written for Gawker, Blackbook, Paper, New York, and in many other locales. Once a week he'll be checking in on civilization and giving us a progress report.

Civilization Progress Report: In which we learn British Petroleum is overly fond of Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love" as long as you replace "Love" with "Oil"

It's been a difficult week hasn't it? I mean sure a lot of us had Monday off, but the environment didn't. Neither did Madonna's scrappy team of web writers. And then suddenly, the rule of three became a reality as a beloved television star boarded an elevator to The Golden Palace in the sky. Yeah, it's been a real nails-on-sandpaper kind of week. This week, we're also featuring a twist! Much like how the oil spill is suffocating all sentient life beneath it along the Louisiana coastline, we're going to top-load your end-of-week effluvia with BP-related muckery.

• Here are photographs of many seabirds trapped in oil slicks off the coast of Louisiana. [Boston.com]

Continue surfing the oil slick after the jump.

They're just having a laugh now: The Queen's Hung Parliament

   

Firmly ensconced in the "things we love" category: eminent news organization not-so-subtly having (a great deal of) fun with a news item headline. Oh you Brits! Delightful.

The Dübrek Stylophone is for you.

Remember that little instrument to which Little Boots had a fondness that sort of sounded like something Judi Jetson would have had, had she not been such a proto-slacker and had instead started a band, as proper cartoon females do? Well, here's a reminder:

   

It's called a Stylophone and the stylus-operated, small-range mini-sythesizer was a popular item in the late 1960's with folks like David Bowie who used it in Space Oddity. It was largely forgotten, although there were collectors. 

A couple of years back, the Stylophone was brought back, with some subtle modern tweakings. Now it's being made widely available via Restoration Hardware, featuring for just $29. 

And, yes, it does have a headphone jack.