I'm sure most of you wonder...in the words of Niecy Nash, "How do I do all that I do?", or - not to put too fine a point on it - how do WE do these consistently amazing, challenging and brilliant posts here at FYF? Well, here's an example of how the thoughts flowed from initial idea to final edit for one post (this one, in point of fact!!):
Yesterday, in the course of writing "Speaking of Grindr...let's eschew naivete...", I had thought of Plato's "Allegory of the Cave" as a potentially beneficial point-of-reference for how we might think about online profiles in comparison to the actual person. I couldn't recall the allegory specifically, however, and so left it out.
Last night, a Facebook friend posted a quote from Edgar Allen Poe that inspired another FB friend to comment, quoting a different Poe passage: "All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.", which then sparked spontaneous thoughts of the late 80s docu-drama (Ha!) starring the Coreys (Feldmen and Haim) "Dream A Little Dream", which didn't really lead anywhere.
Searching instead for "dream within a dream" led to "through a glass, darkly" (The Bible!!) and then, what should pop up but Plato's "Allegory of the Cave"! We'd come full circle!
What did we learn, and why is this a post, you ask?
Second, it's also intriguing how one's faculties work - not unlike a "recently opened" or "recent calls" list on that same hardware we've come to rely on - such that a recent thought or subject dwelt on becomes sort of an ongoing search in the background of our consciousness, seemingly calling to our attention random, unrelated-at-first-look bits of data we wouldn't otherwise have noticed and bringing them to the forefront of our awareness to be explored or to lead us to the connecting symbol or idea, despite the lack of explicit connection to that earlier thought/subject. Thus, a random post on a friend's wall several hours after the fact eventually leads me back to where I was headed in my post earlier.
This, also, is not particularly compelling so much as "SO weeeiiird!", however.
More than either of those reasons, then, why this is now a post is because it provides a good excuse to revisit the "Grindr naivete" topic, which I'd like to do so as to clarify my intention in urging us to become less superficial. My intention was not to imply we shouldn't be hooking up, hooking up via Grindr (or other "online dating site) or hooking up only as a "gut" (or slightly lower) reaction/expression of attraction to superficial characteristics presented via the one-photo profiles (so much information!) provided by Grindr. These hook-ups -- while hopefully stop-gap measures (Yes. I said stop-gap.) when weighed against an eventual commitment to one or more persons on the bases (pronounced bay-sees) of a connection felt more deeply than the physical sensation of inserting oneself into, or of being inserted into by, another; a sense of stability and the nurturing of a long-term relationship with all its complexity, subtlety and ecstacy...are not negative to my mind so long as they are engaged in from a place of clear communication, expectations and delineations.
No, I do not decry hooking up and did not mean to communicate that in my post yesterday - if I did. Rather, I hoped to decry the feeling of rejection we, or someone we choose not to hook up with, might subject them/ourselves to based on the assumption that the individual who "rejected" us knew us and therefore rejected US, rather than the truth which is that the jury was still out - despite our carefully-worded-and-populated-with-"flattering"-pictures profile - as to whether his needs (or ours) would be met by this tentative and temporary connection engaged in primarily for the purpose of getting off.
Perhaps if we let go of the assumption that anyone knows us from our profiles (which, I'm trying to say, they can't!), we might also stop taking it personally when they arrive to find what they expected isn't the case, or that - despite our best efforts at conveying ourselves electronically - the chemistry necessary for attraction/desire isn't present.
While we're on this "let's do this better" tip, what say we challenge ourselves to balance the time we spend photoshopping our pictures and honing our tweets with time spent practicing our social skills in real-time situations? Seems only logical we'd want to be good in both contexts. Particularly since online must eventually lead to real-time!?
As with most things, practice makes perfect, so...anyone want to hook up? Send your pics to lookingfornow@thisisfyf.com for mine.
