Is it me or does it seem like people are being bitchier than usual for this season? There's no reason for it. We've now accepted the Recession as the shameful, unsightly limp in America's gait. Now it's time for us to readjust our expectations. This is why The Waitresses performed "Christmas Wrapping" and it's also why the Spice Girls performed "Christmas Wrapping" again: So mankind can put a knish in his whine-happy cake-hole and get into the spirit of the season. But perhaps what mankind really needs to do is get into the spirits...in his liquor closet. Either way, just shut the fuzzuzzle up for a minute and appreciate the fact that New York City's sub-arctic temperature means you can look extra-cute on your way to work. So bundle up and walk with me into this week's news-blizzard!
• The Kardashian family Christmas card or a Models, Inc. promotional poster? [Starcasm]
• They have discovered bacteria munching away at the submerged remains of the Titanic. Wonder if they had Billy Zane's career as an appetizer. Zing! [CNN]
• Hey ladies! Julian Assange is free on bail. It's as renown poetess Blu Cantrell once sang: "When your man wanna get buckwild /Just go back and hit 'em up style." [Reuters]
• Here is a very important video montage of cats knocking over eggs.
• There is a spirited debate raging on about the state of Christopher Street in Greenwich Village. [FYF]
• Handing a dog over to Michael Vick would only be marginally worse than handing the New York City public school system over to Cathie Black. [AP]
• I'm hoping that in her crypt, Christina Aguilera is paying attention: Amanda Palmer has written and performed a song about female anatomy and it's a humdinger. [Popjustice]
• Scientists have undiscovered a mummified forest in Canada. [MSNBC]
• Through the magic of HTML5, Google wants to check out your hot bod. [USA Today]
• Christmas, to those of us who aren't all that religious, is a magical time of year when wishes come true. Like a coterie of Asian pop tarts in fluffy tutus singing a mash-up of Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" and the Wonder Girls' "Nobody." This really is magic!
Rohin Guha is a fiction writer whose first collection of stories, Relief Work, came out this week. Get it here! Once a week, he will be checking in on civilization and giving us a progress report.
