The most important questions in life may never have answers. Questions like, "Did 30 Rock jump the shark last night by airing a live episode or did they jump the shark when Oprah turned up that one time?" and "How devastating is it that this week, Twitter turned the plight and (fortunate!) rescue of 33 Chilean miners into a spectator sport?" and "Would Harry Potter do shots with Voldemort if they crossed paths at Bushwick's Gotham City Lounge?" and "Why did Kylie Minogue's fan-fucking-tastic single "Get Outta My Way" not only miss the UK Top 10 in its first week, but tank 16 spots in its second, and then out of the Top 40 in its third?" Unlike someone who has whizzed away hundreds of thousands of dollars on a very-useful journalism degree at Columbia, I don't have the answers. So, instead, please help yourself to the following links. Wash down with seltzer water and don't forget to burp!
• What are the odds that if they forget their wands and spellbooks while wandering to a loft party off Bushwick Avenue, Harry Potter, Hermoine Granger, and Ron Weasley might get shived for looking like hipster scum? [BuzzFeed]
• Landfills will now be mined for fuel and recyclables. This makes Staten Island a veritable gold mine. [TreeHugger]
• Steve Jobs is giving all the rescued Chilean miners iPods. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Ah, yes. Someone profiled Gawker king Nick Denton...and after the writer found himself 83,588 words short of his 85,000 word count, he ended up canvassing all the king's former horsemen for soundbites. The end product? One of the sloppiest he-said-she-saids to surface since Bring It On: Fight to the Finish. [New Yorker]
• Please put your hands together for Australia's newest political party: The Sex Party. [Aol]
• British photographer Carl Warner specializes in taking pictures of incredibly detailed landscapes...constructed entirely out of food. [Aol]
• Fort Worth, TX city councilman Joel Burns delivers one of the most touching, heartfelt videos to join the "It Gets Better" series. [Gawker TV]
• BUSINESS, NOT NECESSARILY INTL. Take a look at the new Mark Ronson featuring Boy George music video that was co-written by Jake Shears, that broad who wrote "Toxic" and "Can't Get You Out Of My Head", and one of the dudes from Miike Snow. [Dazed Digital]
• HELL-FREEZINGLY WEIRD Queerty and I both agree: Perez Hilton deciding only now not to be a vociferous jerk is nothing more than an opportunistic PR ploy. [Queerty]
• Christina Aguilera is finally checking into a hospital to have that mysterious growth excised. [Dlisted]
• Speaking of animatronic singer-bots, y'all remember that creepy Japanese robot that looks like a woman? Programmers have made it so she can now sing in-key. This is bad news for everyone from Ke$ha to intrepid girlband The Saturdays. Unlike singer-bots, they require salaries in order to be auto-tuned and therefore, will soon be outmoded. [Wired]
• IT DOES GET BETTER, DOESN'T IT? In Hong Kong, not-gay couples could soon get married at local McDonald's restaurants. [Consumerist]
• But let's end on this incredible moment from The View, where Bill O'Reilly's intelligence plummets to such new lows...that Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar are forced to walk off stage to keep their IQs from crashing. Sherri Shepherd is in rare form, offering calmly, "You've gotta make a decision, Bill." [TMZ]
